Thursday, March 13, 2008


How is it possible to find something without looking, but having the same feeling of relief and excitement that you get when you have accomplished a find?
My mind is buzzing of all it's vocabulary in extasy and arrousal and my toungue drips heavy with antisepated dialogue and all I can write is this? and all I can think is; "I hate this font".

"GET OFF OF ME!" I scream it like a mantra in my head, but who am I speaking to?

All this after reading my words reflected through someone Else's life, stylised to there woes all the while mimicking my struggle and strangely mirroring my memories.

And now the book is open, my head is unblocked, I can't have found what I'm looking for? or have I? when do I stop and accept it? when do I jump from my pedestal and accept that not every1 is perfect. How can I have fell into the despicable cliche of waiting for a 'knight in shining armour', I can't even say it (gulp)~MY 'knight in shining armour'!~ why does that repulse me?....
....because 'I don't need saving I can save myself' I think to myself in naivety and arrogance, because lets face it I haven't done such a good job of that so far and even after finding God you would think that I could humble myself as much to know that at least.

Its funny you forget about the times you question yourself over and over again about insignificant things said in passing that your determined to see things in, some sort of hidden message, it's funny when you think that your not 14 any more but you are still the same hopeful little girl even after so much disappointment and realisations. Funny I wonder if this is 'the one', when I have had plenty of opportunities to figure it out.

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