x

I can show you real Jessi,
cause of how you deal with me,
when they knock my blocks down~
you come and you build with me!

ur so amazing jessi
:)

hmm, i think im liking this neuron

So I told you earlier about this woman that found a spot where she felt comfortable fe mokhy, yeh? She decided to settle down by a constant stream of thought built a small cosy shelter, stacked up the basement with supplies, started growing her favourite fruits in the back yard and got herself a dog. Basically, she’s not going anywhere.

The One

Surah Ikhlas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my years of struggle of searching for the truth of God, I gave up everything, affirming no relation in it between my head and my heart.
One sunny afternoon a craving for Olives overtook me (which it often did) and so I bought a jar and walked out into Marble Arch and heared a man to my left say;
'Olives! do you know how good olives are for you, and that it was one of the favoured foods of the prophet?
'I know why I like them, and a little about your prophet' I replied and slowly walked towards this bearded man standing at the da3ey (religeous {islamic} stand)'
As our conversation took place and he tried to give me the snippets of info that he thought would keep my attention, I could see he was surprised to see how much I knew being a blonde haired art student walking with pride in my ripped jeans. He offered me any book from the table and as I browsed over them all and had no other ioption to decline his offer as I realised, I had read them all (this dissapointed me, all I was waiting for was for someone to prove me wrong once and for all).
He reached into a box and pulled out 2 books; 'Modern science in the quran', and......

'KITAB AL TAWHID'

The book of 'oneness of god
The oneness of God is what sets Islam, this abrahamic religeon closest to its core.

Surah Ikhlas (Tafsir)

Was revealed in Makkah to the prophet when the Quraysh (an arabic tribe) asked the prophet 'What is your herritage/ancestory (this is disputed amongst narators) of your lord?

To which he replied;

قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ - اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ - لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ - وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ

1.Say: He is Allah, One.
2Allah He begets not, nor was He begotten.
3.And there is non comparable to Him.''

(2.As Samad is one that is not born and doesn not give birth)

Such a simple and short ayah (verse), What importance does this surah hold over others?

A man heard another man reciting قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ (Say: "He is Allah, One.'')

...and he was repeating over and over.

So when morning came, the man went to the Prophet and mentioned that to him,

and it was as though he was belittling it.

The Prophet said, وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ إِنَّهَا لَتَعْدِلُ ثُلُثَ الْقُرْآن

By He in Whose Hand is my soul, verily it is equivalent to a third of the Qur'an.

The Mother

As we can only ever hope to understand the Quraan better, here are my findings on tafseer of Al Fatiha.

Surah Al Fatiha has 7 verses of which consists of twenty-five words,and contains one hundred and thirteen letters and several names of which the following are included;

1. Umm Al-Kitab


2. As Salah


3. Al Fatiha


4. Ash-Shifa

Umm Al Kitab

In arabic, many things are referred to as Umm...(mother of...) for instance; Umm Al Qura (Qura-villages) is used to describe Makkah because it is the leader and the grandest of all villages. This indicates to us the stature this Surah has over the Quran.

As Salah

It is refered to as AS Salah as you can not complete a salah (preyer) without it and the prophet further validated this point in a Hadith;

...(Would you like me to teach you a Surah the likes of which nothing has been revealed in the Tawrah, the Injil, the Zabur (Psalms) or the Furqan (the Qur'an)

He said, `Yes, O Messenger of Allah!' The Messenger of Allah said, (I hope that I will not leave through this door until you have learned it.)

He (Ka`b) said, `The Messenger of Allah held my hand while speaking to me. Meanwhile I was slowing down fearing that he might reach the door before he finished his conversation. When we came close to the door, I said: O Messenger of Allah ! What is the Surah that you have promised to teach me'

He said, (What do you read in the prayer.) Ubayy said, `So I recited Umm Al-Qur'an to him.'

He said, (By Him in Whose Hand is my soul! Allah has never revealed in the Tawrah, the Injil, the Zabur or the Furqan a Surah like it. It is the seven repeated verses that I was given.)

Al Fatiha;

Muslim recorded in his Sahih, and An-Nasa'i in his Sunan that:

Ibn `Abbas said, "While Jibril (Gabriel) was with the Messenger of Allah , he heard a noise from above. Jibril lifted his sight to the sky and said, `This is a door in heaven being open, and it has never been opened before now.' An angel descended from that door and came to the Prophet and said, `Receive the glad tidings of two lights that you have been given, which no other Prophet before you was given: the Opening of the Book and the last (three) Ayat of Surat Al-Baqarah. You will not read a letter of them, but will gain its benefit.'''

This is the wording collected by An-Nasa'i (Al-Kubra 5:12) and Muslim recorded similar wording (1:554).

Ash-Shifa;

AS Shifa, meaning 'the cure'. It is also called Ar-Ruqyah (remedy), since in the Sahih, there is the narration of Abu Sa`id telling the the story of the Companion who used Al-Fatihah as a remedy for the tribal chief who was poisoned. Later, the Messenger of Allah said to a Companion;
(How did you know that it is a Ruqyah).

Structure

The formation of this Surah is into two halves between us and Allah. And Allah promices us what we ask for from within this surah, for example did you know;

If he says, 'All praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of existence'
Allah says, `My servant has praised Me.' When the servant says

...'The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful'

Allah says;`My servant has glorified Me.'

When he says; 'The Owner of the Day of Recompense'

Allah says; `My servant has glorified Me'

When he says; 'You (alone) we worship, and You (alone) we ask for help'

Allah say;`This is between Me and My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he sought.'

When he says; 'Guide us to the straight path. The way of those on whom You have granted Your grace, not (the way) of those who earned Your anger, nor of those who went astray.'

Allah says;`This is for My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he asked for.'

(all findings understood from)
© 1999-2008 Quraan.com.
Tafsir Ibn Kathir Translation © Dar-us-Salaam Publishing.

To Ahmed, a small thankyou...

'Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.'

(for all the common sense/advise you have said to me, here is one in return)


'I am ashamed that women are so simple, to offer war where they should kneel for peace.'

(a small piece of chauvinism that I could actually agree to)


'O! how much more doth beauty beauteous seem by that sweet ornament which truth doth give.The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem for that sweet odour, which doth in it live.'

(can you see the metaphor in this?)



'For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; Lilies that fester, smell far worse than weeds.'

(I liked this comparison for you because it uses the flower you like so it should make stronger sense)

P.S. Welcome to William Shakespear

be an egyptian and take take take

When dh and I first moved to Sokhna, dh offered to buy me a dishwasher.

Well trying to be a good wife and since I wasn't working anymore, I thought we could reduce expenses, so I turned it down.

Number one rule ladies, but never ever turn anything down that you think you might possibly want in the future, cause by that time dh will be convinced you don't need it.

Case in point, after 1 1/2 years of doing dishes, I decided I really trully HATE doing dishes. So naturally I mentioned to dh that the dishwasher was a good idea and I was a foolish woman to turn it down, hence I wanted to rectify my mistake and we should get a dishwasher.

DH said no, not now, wasn't important let's wait etc etc.
Basically, reading the writing on the wall, I wasn't hopeful of my dishwasher dreams comming true. Anyway, as most of you know, I broke my arm recently.

Here''s the dishwasher timeline after:
Late Thursday night, after dishes are done, I break arm Friday,
dh cooks and does dishes Saturday,
we get Pizza from Pizza Hut Sunday,
Monday, dishwasher arrives

If I'd only known it could be that easy, I could have paid a doctor 50le just to wrap my arm in plaster

STUBBORN

fat brain!

hmmmmm

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
yeh but I should be treated more gently im not a boy

Leila says:
yeah
i know

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
every1 treats me like a boy

Leila says:
speak more soft

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
the next time im gonna act bare innocent and girlie and weak

Leila says:
loooooooooooool
i tried that one thpo
and thing is

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
and switch it up on their ass

Leila says:
is it works
for ages
till u screw

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
lol

Leila says:
lol

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
love it

and tonight mathew...

I am the little matchstick girl

smile
out of all the people i've known
there are some people
for whom i hold alot of meaning
not becuse they know me
or care about me
my privacy or my ideas
but just because i fit some hole in their lives
then there are others
like you
and a select other
who are always part of me
i could be on mars
and you'd still be jessi
dont confuse people who know you,
with people who care about u
she doesnt care about you
you just fit some hole in her life
once you see that, you wont even be angry with her
love you loads walkerster



'If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayedna Ayesha RAA

good times!

The depth of my struggle determines the height of my success

It's always a little that breaks the 'donkey's' back.

I always want to be a little closer,

you always push me a little further away.

It always hurts me a little harder,

that's when a little go's a long way.

One of my own, upon inspiration and situation.

Every day is a story,
it just depends on how you tell it.

Rabighfirlee!!!

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reported that the devil said to God: "I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies." And God replied: "(Then) I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness."

- Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 742



On the authority of Anas, who said:

I heard the messenger of Allah say:
Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

Thoughts

My recent decision to shut down modes of communication seems to be misunderstood. I keep being told that running away is not going to solve any problems that 'they' presume I have.
that just makes me want to shut them out even more because they obviously don't understand me and I'm all out of patience for people that are'nt on the same page as me.
I know, it sounds incredibly selfish, my problem is that selfish doesn't come naturally and as a result I tend to let every1 walk all over me.

There used to be a day that I could make a vow to give everything of myself to someone knowing that it wouldn't go unrecognised, unapreciated or unreciprocated. Now I offer all and I get a shrug of shoulders or 'hmm'.

So, 'don't give anything' I hear you say, yea sounds simple doesn't it, although it's against my natural order, my grand design. I long to be someones crutch, someones everything, someones get out of jail free card, someones google, to just be someones.

I said that they brought out the worst in me;
'paranoia, selfishness, insecurity, un certainty, angst, addiction'

It will crown you as it will crucify you!

For you

kida

I'm over this before it realy began..... weired, fast and heavy, both ways

Dedicated to you the new in my life

There's this thing that comes with being a muslim that I used to love, The Umma (community) and how idealy they stick together and try to help each other out, but theres a stigma that comes with that side of things that I have only seen since I've been in Egypt.

Obligation;

Its how one is obligated by their religious duty or their feelings towards their religion to be attached to you or to owe you something. I'm sick of people liking me because I am a muslim, because I have knowledge, or because of the transition that was converting. What about the rest of me what about the me that I lived with for 20 years before I made the change. Not all of it neede dto be substituted by a better attitude, I had/have traits of my personality that still are as were before. However no one ever see's them no matter how much I portray them because they are over shadowed by the knowledge that I am a muslim.

Maybe it is my own fault, the visual aspect of my hijab and my white face and European features, the fact that most opening conversations I have with people are revoked due to this appearance. The concept of the Niqab, to conceal ones humility and keep ones honor is something that is abrogated of the contrast it gives in a western society. People look at you more, question you more, fear you and therefore are attracted to you more. Well I feel like not wearing a hijab would be my altimate Niqab. The same way that you should love someone for who they are and not the way that they look (physical beauty) which the concept of the Niqab offers is something I now long for.

To not be judged as a muslim, a convert, but to be judged, loved or hated because I am Jessi who is a muslim not the muslim who happens to be Jessi.

Don't tell me that you don't want to mess things up for me and that I might deviate from my path because of you.

I am Jessi!!!!! and always will be.

Nostalgia

I love you Leila!

Content

I wish I could feel content for longer then 5 minutes.

So I havn't really kept anyone updated on here, for reasons only that I didn't have the resources.

Don't ask me how but I ended up in the slums of Egypt struggling without hot water,running water, a kitchen, privacy and yes, I had a toilet that was next to the cooker that didnt work in the store room. I lived with the poor tired and crazy closed minded community that ended up strangling me slowly.

but, by the grace of God I am now in a suburban compound with a 2 bedroom flat with a south facing balcony, a washing machine, a dish washer and a king size bed.

but I am still un settled? not unsettled just I always want more. I am not ungreatful there is never a day that I go without thanking Allah for the blessings that I have now and for having the pacience to stick out the hard times. I just want more.
I think I want company, for the 1st time in my life I actually really want company.
I want the next chapter in my life.

I have done the conversion.
I have found my stance within my religion and Im happy with it.
And, I think I know who I am but I know I could still be surprised.
So, when will the time come that I let myself go and be open to commitment?
Why do I always want sooo much in return but hold back on what I give.
And can we ever realy trust someone else wholely?
All I ever see around me are cheating husbands, beating husbands, and dis respectful husbands. And when one does come along that seems too good to be true will I trust them or be doubtful and screw it up to protect myself?
I ask for patience, I ask for Love WITH respect, I ask for the fear of Allah, I ask for devotion. Please make this easy on me, please don't hurt me, please don't let me hurt another and please forgive me.

what to do

I want to start writing poetry again, but first i want to learn how to make it.
I have learned to forgive myself, because, I realy need to forgive you.
I'm ready to have a baby but I'm not ready for marriage.
Oh the trials and tribulations

Both amazing songs, 1 my feel good factor the other my sound track!!!!!!

I have re-discovered the soothing values of music!