Friday, March 20, 2009


I wish I could feel content for longer then 5 minutes.

So I havn't really kept anyone updated on here, for reasons only that I didn't have the resources.

Don't ask me how but I ended up in the slums of Egypt struggling without hot water,running water, a kitchen, privacy and yes, I had a toilet that was next to the cooker that didnt work in the store room. I lived with the poor tired and crazy closed minded community that ended up strangling me slowly.

but, by the grace of God I am now in a suburban compound with a 2 bedroom flat with a south facing balcony, a washing machine, a dish washer and a king size bed.

but I am still un settled? not unsettled just I always want more. I am not ungreatful there is never a day that I go without thanking Allah for the blessings that I have now and for having the pacience to stick out the hard times. I just want more.
I think I want company, for the 1st time in my life I actually really want company.
I want the next chapter in my life.

I have done the conversion.
I have found my stance within my religion and Im happy with it.
And, I think I know who I am but I know I could still be surprised.
So, when will the time come that I let myself go and be open to commitment?
Why do I always want sooo much in return but hold back on what I give.
And can we ever realy trust someone else wholely?
All I ever see around me are cheating husbands, beating husbands, and dis respectful husbands. And when one does come along that seems too good to be true will I trust them or be doubtful and screw it up to protect myself?
I ask for patience, I ask for Love WITH respect, I ask for the fear of Allah, I ask for devotion. Please make this easy on me, please don't hurt me, please don't let me hurt another and please forgive me.

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