Dedicated to you the new in my life

There's this thing that comes with being a muslim that I used to love, The Umma (community) and how idealy they stick together and try to help each other out, but theres a stigma that comes with that side of things that I have only seen since I've been in Egypt.

Obligation;

Its how one is obligated by their religious duty or their feelings towards their religion to be attached to you or to owe you something. I'm sick of people liking me because I am a muslim, because I have knowledge, or because of the transition that was converting. What about the rest of me what about the me that I lived with for 20 years before I made the change. Not all of it neede dto be substituted by a better attitude, I had/have traits of my personality that still are as were before. However no one ever see's them no matter how much I portray them because they are over shadowed by the knowledge that I am a muslim.

Maybe it is my own fault, the visual aspect of my hijab and my white face and European features, the fact that most opening conversations I have with people are revoked due to this appearance. The concept of the Niqab, to conceal ones humility and keep ones honor is something that is abrogated of the contrast it gives in a western society. People look at you more, question you more, fear you and therefore are attracted to you more. Well I feel like not wearing a hijab would be my altimate Niqab. The same way that you should love someone for who they are and not the way that they look (physical beauty) which the concept of the Niqab offers is something I now long for.

To not be judged as a muslim, a convert, but to be judged, loved or hated because I am Jessi who is a muslim not the muslim who happens to be Jessi.

Don't tell me that you don't want to mess things up for me and that I might deviate from my path because of you.

I am Jessi!!!!! and always will be.