Tuesday, April 28, 2009


My recent decision to shut down modes of communication seems to be misunderstood. I keep being told that running away is not going to solve any problems that 'they' presume I have.
that just makes me want to shut them out even more because they obviously don't understand me and I'm all out of patience for people that are'nt on the same page as me.
I know, it sounds incredibly selfish, my problem is that selfish doesn't come naturally and as a result I tend to let every1 walk all over me.

There used to be a day that I could make a vow to give everything of myself to someone knowing that it wouldn't go unrecognised, unapreciated or unreciprocated. Now I offer all and I get a shrug of shoulders or 'hmm'.

So, 'don't give anything' I hear you say, yea sounds simple doesn't it, although it's against my natural order, my grand design. I long to be someones crutch, someones everything, someones get out of jail free card, someones google, to just be someones.

I said that they brought out the worst in me;
'paranoia, selfishness, insecurity, un certainty, angst, addiction'

It will crown you as it will crucify you!



Andy said...

"It will crown you as it will crucify you!"

Well said ..And i will use this coat..ironically i havent seen a muslim use the word crusify in a context

Jessi said...

Hi Andy,

I didn't actually think that anyone read this blog!

Yes, there are a few of 'us' convert muslims that blur the lines of the religious/cultural traditions, in other words 'watch this space'