Focus

Today, is a trialing day. Why is it that sometimes you wake up full of the air of promise, ready to embark on your 12 hour journey in the world of possibilities and other days your irritable, pessimistic and put-out by the sheer fact that you have to wake up and slave away to the schedule you've imposed on yourself.

So, there I am, butt to butt in the narrow corridor of a 'South Western' train being yelled at by the other disgruntled commuters who like me didn't wake up on 'the right side of the bed'. I try to take my irritated mind out of my hostile environment and pick up my kindle and start to read. I get a seat which forces me to try to put the day in a different light so I sit staring out on to the world with my usual 'lets change my energy' incantation (this usually consists of a sharp word or two with myself about gratitude). My mood slowly starts to shift and I am no longer in need of my 'London mantra'. A man in a suit sneezes rather loudly and as usual no one raises an eyebrow or batters an eyelid, the 'cold' demeanor of the English is one I'm always trying to surpass so I offer my 'bless you' as a charity which results in a 'how dare you take note of me' look from the man in question until he buries his head back into his news paper.

Sigh, 'don't let it phase you' I tell myself holding strong to the up-lifted disposition I earlier trained for. Eventually, I arrive at my final destination, fall up the stairs ready to laugh off my embarrassment as i lay on all fours splayed against the cold concrete, only to realise that people are actually tutting as they clamber over me. I route-march the mile walk to university, arrive to my lecture on time only to be told that it has been cancelled. I receive my 'marked' paper for an essay from last term realising that my marker couldn't even be bothered to write more than a sentence for the explanation of my rather poor mark.

Here, I am in the university library writing this out so I can mentally throw all the bad bits away and get on with some work. Yes, throw away the bad stuff.... Is that possible? I wonder...