NIQABITCH

Once you get over your shock, and you open your mind and drop your own prejudices, I hope that you find this protest to be what it is, a freedom of speech.

These ladies retaliated to the ban on niqab and hijab in France by producing this protest of their own. You may not like it but they certainly have a point.

By mixing the sacred with the profane they illustrate the ridicule we bring ourselves by placing such importance on fabric. Yes! I wear the hijab! but I wear it for my own reasons that are largely assosciated with religious ones but that is neither here nor there. One of the reasons I wear it and keep it is because I feel that I should be free to wear what I want in as much of an abundance as I like or as little for that matter.

Maybe it is the boom of the fashion industry that have ours and other western societies so obsessed with outward appearence, I don't know.

Some people hate these woman for what they did, and I'm sure the majority of which were muslim! can you believe it!!!!!! muslims! like me, asking for the right and freedom to wear what pleases them and yet tearing these women down for exorcising the same right- ok sure they were doing it purely for provocation - but as long as we want freedom of speach then we will have to listen to a whole lot of things that we don't necesarily like or want to hear and we shouldn't complain whilst doing so either.

The message is clear! freedom for all and hipocracy for none, its just a shame that they had to walk in the shoes of those they are trying to reach out to... NO I don't mean muslims, I mean hypocrites.

Think what you will, I commend them and I'm proud to do so

what to do

I want to start writing poetry again, but first i want to learn how to make it.
I have learned to forgive myself, because, I realy need to forgive you.
I'm ready to have a baby but I'm not ready for marriage.
Oh the trials and tribulations

Jihad

So I was pondering over the pilgrimage Hajj.....
...and thought about it's costly price of about 2ooo pounds! yep! thats right 2000 or at least no less than a thousand.

Imagine all the muslims that long to go on Hajj but may never be able to afford it, and then I think about me...., I had the money, and therefore had the ability to go to Hajj and yet I didn't I came to Egypt.
I wondered if I was going to be punnished for this action, because I thought that I had really made a grave mistake. How can I look such an opertunity in the eye and let it go, I don't know if I will ever have the money as a disposable income again and ever since my first thought on this subject during the past Ramadhan I have been worried about it.

This weekend al hamdulilah I found my saving grace in a friend and her amazing family. I sat with her parents talking about Islam and the deen untill 2.30 in the morning, it wasn't planned or intentional, it wasn't a dawa session or an Islamic lesson it was just one of those beautiful things. I don't remember the relevance of my question to conversation at the time but I asked what they think about my thoughts on my trip to Egypt and wether they too felt as I did about my decission on comming here and not going to Hajj.

They replied with something that forced me to fight tears....

It was there 16 year old son that said it first and they carried on to say that what I had done was in itself Jihad I made the decission to come to Egypt to better myself within my religion and should never feel regret toward, they explained that if you have the money but need education, or have an elderly relative, or children to look after it is obligatory for you to do those first, and that I had taken the decision to educate myself for the sake of Allah.

To think of myself as someone that has taken Jihad reminds me of my importance of this trip. and just this morning I read in the Quran;

'...And whoever emigrates for the cause of Allah will find on the earth many [alternative] locations and abundance. And whoever leaves his home as an emigrant to Allah and his messenger and then death overtakes him-his reward has already become incumbant upon Allah. And Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful...'

Surah 4, Ayat 100.

and so today I am ready to die, should it be written for me.

That moment!

Do you live your life worrying about every little thing that may occur in the future, the wrong that you have done in the past, the ever growing list of things to do or the fact that its 2am and you have to wake up at 7am for a long day's work in the morning?


I don't! I put them all in this little place where I forget them but its all still there and sometimes spills out on to my consciousness from time to time.

For instance, lets start with the worrying about the future thing..... I always make it a motto of mine not to directly think about the future, I'm not saying that it's a good motto but perhaps a lazy one for getting through life with a little less responsibility on my shoulders, but I have realised maybe what I have always known deep down is that it does worry me I just seem to have chosen not to think about it and now I'm stuck on that very thin line of being a child and an adult..... hanging on by a thread shall we say.

I have developed this massive fear of getting married (settling down) ever!!, I guess I just never understood how a woman as strong, intelligent, wise and true as my mum could make a mistake 2ce in that department in her life. And if she can do it then I feel bound to do it. I'm terrified of letting my (possible future) children go through any of what me and my brother experienced down to a tiny mistake that probably just started with a glance across a crowded bar. And when I was too caught up with crossing that line into adulthood to see the possible dangers in front of me I was reminded of exactly how true my foreseen prophesy was. I fell in love, we grew together and I found true trust for the first time in my life, I felt secure, stable and happy despite my adolescent behavior at times and it seems that I can only really see that now. But it happened, the thing that I had started to forget was possible, he let me down.......he shook our foundations until I had no where left to stand and everything I was so sure of was compromised. So I did what any other coward would do and ran for the hills.

And now I worry about the future and the past, I regret my actions but have to live with them, secretly (also) living in hope that I'm forgiven and that the impossible could happen and I could turn back time. but that doesn't change the fact that I let my guard down enough to get violently hurt. I fell in love with him because he was everything that the other wasn't. Kind, generous, honest, Innocent, loving, emotionally strong, a Muslim. And since that I have this fear that I squeeze way back into my tiny mind, but am influenced by it still!! no mater how hard I try to loose it, it always comes back.

For that very early morning on the beach in Sahel I found the eternal happiness of a spotless mind. I forgot about everything, really forgot everything just disappeared and it was all about the sky the sea and Allah's mercy on me for that moment. I laughed so hard that I cried and didn't really know what I was laughing at.

Ode to that moment in my life. May I never forget it, may there be many more of them, and may I always be greatful for them...

...Ameen

Where is she now?

So once again I have landed on my feet, and here is a brief update for those that want to know;



A friend offered me her house after I realised that the budget my flat was giving me would result in an earlier departure then wanted (due to limited funds).



When I say offered me her house I mean a 2 bedroom flat along with her sister her brother and both her parents.

Hmmmm....6 people in 2 rooms?, how does that work you may ask! very nicely actually. Her and her sister share a bed whilst I get the bed of the other in their room, her parents and her brother share between the other room and the sofa bed in the front-room. Sounds tight I know but it works and Im comfortable her mum doesn't want me to leave because...



A) she wants to learn English and has the chance to conversate with me

B) apparently her children are acting better since I've arrived,



Her father is an easy man to talk to speaks English well and loves that typical slapstic egyptian comedy. It was he who hooked me up with the job Im at now. A patient of his owns a travel and tourism company and is expanding at the moment by planning to offer boat trips from egypt to Saudi quicker than a plane journey.

And so here I am over looking the purchase of some very large ships for this very kind man called Abu Hassan in his late 70's lives between here and Saudi Arabia and is treating me like his daughter.

His whole family are doing everything to help me. He gave me a lump of money before I started as a good will gesture, invites me into his office to eat with his family every day at the end of work, sends me home in his Merc with his driver, and gave me some money yesterday 'as a father to a daughter' his daughter said as I protested to take it. His daughter passes by the office almost every day with her daughter. His 3 sons all grown and married work within the business.



They ask me every day what I need, to the point that I feel I should make something up, untill finally I mentioned that I needed an arabic teacher. Within secconds his son was on the phone and after I finnished my food I was called into the office where a teacher sat and they discussed my schedule for study to be 4 days a week here at work for 2 hours all paid for by the company.



It has overwhelmed me the generosity from both these families just as I was about to write off all egyptians as cunning con artists, ok not all but most. And I feel greatly indebted to both a debt that Im worried I will not be able to repay.



Although it has put me in a bit of a pickle, I don't know my sallary and all these kind gestures have made it almost impossible for me to ask...but I need to know if it is suitable for what I am able to live on. I also work 6days a week something I learned the day before my presumed 2-day weekend, another thing that I want to talk to him about but feel like I don't have a right to almost! 1day is not enough for me to enjoy my life, I usually go horse riding every Friday but sometimes the people I go with change it to a Satuirday being the other common day from there weekend here in Egypt and I go swimming on Saturdays which is the only day available for many reasons and I have Friday off only..... Insallah I'l sort this after a week or two.

new day

Life just got real serious....

...cause for a little while it was all just about fun in the sun.

So the long awaited Ramadhan has finally arrived and it couldnt have come any sooner! I spent the day before rather domestically cleaning up, doing some hand washing tying up some loose ends and then took a stroll to the masjid at the end of my road for Isha and finally Taraweh.

...where I cried like a baby for the first 8 raqah's. I don't know what it is that just gets me with the qur'aan but I stood there in preyer listening to Surah Al-Baqarah remembering that that particular chapter of the Qur'aan is a healer. So, I asked Allah to do just that, I pleaded with him to clean my heart of the black mark i had allowed to grow over the past year and to heal my emotional wounds that I left open and unforgoten to bother me from the back of my mind.

As my dissapointments of life flashed before my eyes the tears started to flow as did my astughfir's untill I was finding it hard to breath.

You see Im not much of a cryer!
I didnt cry when my mum weeped on my shoulder at the airport, nor do I when I cut my hand or remember my broken heart or when I feel disgusted at myself when I reminisce on the hurt and pain that I have caused others. So it was quite a clearance. and afterwards I felt exhausted I couldn't believe it was only 10.00 pm!!

Al-Hamdulilah!

I had my first Qur'aan lesson today also, it's been one of the only things that leaves me anticipated for children so that I can put my (on-point) recitation to use and lead my family in prayer (Inshallah). I will be having 1hour of Qur'aan and 3 hours of Arabic a day from now on and getting paid to just stick around for an hour in case they get some children for the English classes they want me to start teaching. And that's only obligated on me for 3 days a week.

Both my Arabic and My qur'aan teacher want to pay me to tutor them in speaking English, so I made a deal to swap the lessons for home cooked food. They found that hilarious, but they haven't seen what a put off my kitchen is to cook in and KFC and Pizza hut is really expensive every night .

So, hello to Ramadhan and the purification of my soul Inshallah!

regret

I had a regret once, and the very person that helped me abolish it has now given me another to replace it with.
Once again I am reminded of that gut-renching feeling that lingerers in the background and plagues your mind like a mosquito in the dark.

The only possible consolation for this is that what ever mistake you made that led to a regret is that you can learn from your actions and move on......
....but not with this one I can see myself making this mistake again and again.

AND THAT IS MY CURSE!


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Immortal Technique Concert 04/06/08

Yesterday I fell in love,
it was such a nostalgic feeling, it came entangled with inspiration.

Along with Marmite, Public parks, and my mother, the up and coming Hip-Hop scene has given me another reason (on the ever shrinking list) to be proud to be British.
Not a pride of arrogant intent but the type of pride that hopeful foundations lye on.

Standing in one of the most eclectic crowds I have ever seen I listened to a 17 year old tell me about 'his ancestors growing into tall feathers with ink dripping from there feet writing the words that can still be read today', it was obviously said with a bit more lyrical finesse but you can see where I'm coming from, a 17 year old!

So you can Imagine the rest of the warm up, each performer topping the one before it eloquently articulating the problems that we chose to ignore. Where other rappers before them couldn't find any other words but 'F*CK THE POLICE', these guys break down political history all in the time it would take to tie your shoe laces!

I can't wait to check out some of the snippets I heard in full detail.
To understand what I'm hyping up look out for artists such as 'Low Key' of the Poisonous poet's crew, and 'The Peoples Army' crew.
I have to give a special mention to 'Low Key', Karim you stole the show big time!

12/10/02

In the silence of my every breath her name is whispered and within the shadows of my footsteps she shall walk free

The Covenant of Madinah

• The Muslims and the Jews shall live together as one people.
• Neither of the two parties shall interfere with the faith of the other.
• If a third party attacks, each of the other parties shall be bound to help one another in the event of war.
• If Medina is attacked, both parties shall join hands to defend it.
• Both parties shall regard Medina as a sacred place, and bloodshed shall be forbidden there.
• The prophet shall be the final court of appeal in the event of a dispute.
  
  The covenant stood as an agreement for peaceful co-existence for all whom settled there.
  By 620AH the Prophet had built the nucleus of a Muslim state within Medina, they lived amongst Pagan tribes as well as Jews of whom were (economically) very powerful and controlled much of the trade within a city that was built upon it. This led the Pagan tribes to become very dependant upon them as a governing body within Medina.
  The constitution mirrors the hospitality that had been shown to the Muslims within Ethiopia upon the first Islamic migration By Negus of Abyssinia.
  
  This leads me to understand that these ethics and morals were not assigned to a particular time or place but a ruling to which Christians, Jews and Muslims alike have signed to as a pact with one another. I wonder if we all as people of a book remember this treaty and camaraderie between us in a time that so blatantly defies it.

Information gathered from the book 'A Chronology of Islamic history 570-1000ce' By H.U.Rahman.

The points above are just a small amount of the origional treatie.

Rhetorical

You want to know what my natural hair colour is, I'll give you four guesses...

HONOR

'Like a Mynah bird in your hands, slacken your grip and it flies away'

Khaled Hosseini, ' A thousand splendid suns'