.........Confessions from a Convert

A felow uni colleague speaks of her time in Israel this July

2011-08-08T06:40:00.001-07:00

Haringey Green Party: Released from Israeli jail: "Well I spent yesterday trying to chill out after a rather expensive long weekend in an Israeli jail. I guess most people already heard that..."

A felow uni colleague speaks of her time in Israel this July

2011-08-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

Haringey Green Party: Released from Israeli jail: "Well I spent yesterday trying to chill out after a rather expensive long weekend in an Israeli jail. I guess most people already heard that..."

Don't forget!!

2011-06-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

Food glorious food

2011-06-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

When it comes to matters of food I consider myself more of a consumer then a creator but for you, I'm willing to try the other side...

Quote of my day

2011-06-10T04:10:00.000-07:00

"Whoever’s sin was because of [carnal] desires, hope

for him (as he may repent and be forgiven),

but whoever’s sin was out of pride, fear for him.

For indeed, Adam sinned out of simple desire, and was

forgiven; Whereas Iblis sinned out of pride, and was

cursed. " - Sufyaan bin Uyainah

[not a hadith]

I don't often post religious epithets or hadeeth that much anymore but some of which I hear I am compelled to share.

Presenting the blogging premier of.....

2011-06-10T04:09:00.001-07:00

I am ridiculously proud to present a short production by a very dear friend of mine Nada Aboudahab. A young fashionista taking trend out of the box and giving it a courageous kick up the behind. This is her awesome contemporary vision representing one of the edgy shoulder pieces by designer Dean Sideway.

VERR from Volt Magazine on Vimeo.

....yep! I know her :D

Fury over advert claiming Egypt revolution as Vodafone's

2011-06-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Vodafone advertisement produced by JWT that suggests the phone company helped inspire the Egyptian revolution.

Vodafone is facing a backlash in Egypt over an advert suggesting it helped inspire this year's revolution in the country.

The three-minute commercial featured excerpts from a Vodafone ad campaign entitled Our Power, which was launched three weeks before an anti-government uprising swept the country. The video goes on to show images from protest rallies in Cairo's Tahrir Square before claiming: "We didn't send people to the streets, we didn't start the revolution … We only reminded Egyptians how powerful they are."

The short film features screengrabs of Facebook and Twitter messages posted by Egyptians approving of the Vodafone ad campaign, then an audio recording of Hosni Mubarak's resignation as president being announced on TV.

In fact, many pro-change activists blame Vodafone and other mobile phone companies for following Egyptian government orders and implementing a communications blackout at the height of the revolution. They have condemned the advert as a "sickening" attempt to push up sales by "riding the revolutionary bandwagon", and an insult to the hundreds who died in the struggle to bring down Mubarak.

"Apparently this tagline inspired people to take the streets," said prominent blogger Mohamed El-Dahshan in one of many angry and satirical responses that have spread across the web. "I mean, never mind the years of activism, the protests, the decades of cumulated grievances, the terrible economic situation, the trampled political freedoms, the police brutality, the torture, etc. Nah – we just watched a Vodafone ad, and thought: 'Hey! We're powerful! Let's topple the president!'"

Vodafone has strongly disassociated itself from the commercial, which was produced by the international marketing firm JWT. "The company does not have any connection to this video and had no prior knowledge of its production or posting on the internet," said Hatem Dowidar, the chief executive of Vodafone Egypt.

The advert appeared on the public website of JWT, which was hired by Vodafone Egypt to mastermind its recent communications strategy. The agency said the video was for "internal use" only and "not intended for public display". It has since been removed from the website, as havecopies posted on YouTube.

Egyptians queued up to vent their disbelief online. One YouTube comment said: "Are you guys seriously planning on leeching something out of this after you cut the phones and internet, after protesters who were being shot at could not call others and warn them about being shot at by snipers because of you? SHAME!"

Pro-change activist and former Google executive Wael Ghonim, who became an international media star of the revolution following his arrest and subsequent TV interview about the ordeal, also denounced the advert as unethical and accused JWT of using his name in the advert without permission. Meanwhile, a new website namedihatevodafoneegypt.com has rapidly become an online sensation.

To make matters worse for Vodafone and JWT, both the original ad campaign and the latest video feature Adel Emam, a veteran Egyptian actor who initially denounced the pro-change protests in January and has been widely derided in Egypt for his close links with the Mubarak family.

Vodafone is one of several firms in Egypt that agreed to shut off its mobile and internet networks in the early stages of the revolt as the government attempted to isolate anti-Mubarak protesters. It also allowed the Mubarak regime to send out anti-revolutionary text messages en masse to subscribers. It said it had no choice and has since apologised.

The firm is facing a series of legal challenges over what some critics have called its "complicity in dictatorship". It is accused of passing on information about opposition activists to the Mubarak regime's security services – a claim seemingly confirmed by Vodafone's global head of content standards, Annie Mullins, in February 2009 but later denied by Vodafone Egypt.

"All companies in Egypt are trying to use revolutionary and nationalist imagery right now to drive sales and in most cases it doesn't concern me," said Ramy Raoof, an activist with the Egyptian Initiative for Personal Rights who had his own Vodafone Egypt service cut off for several months under orders from Mubarak's apparatus.

"But when the communications companies try it – the ones who handed out our personal information to state security, the ones who shut down our lines and who helped the government cut us off – it's too far. People are talking about compensation but we don't want money. We want to see people on trial."

Vodafone is not the only mobile firm to come under fire for its alleged use of revolutionary material for marketing. Rival company Mobinil launched a huge advertising campaign at Cairo airport with billboardsfeaturing quotes from world leaders such as Barack Obama and Silvio Berlusconi praising the Egyptian revolution, stamped with the Mobinil logo.

"We have not used any images of the Egyptian revolution at any time in any of our external promotional material," a Vodafone spokesperson told the Guardian. "Any suggestions to the contrary are incorrect."

Jack Shenker
guardian.co.uk, Friday 3 June 2011 15.15 BST

Tupac - I wrote this song in '94 [by Dave Chappelle]

2011-06-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

A day at the zoo

2011-06-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

A big part of me hates the idea of a zoo, I would go as far as to say that it is somewhat wrong. In fact its an incredibly archaic system of storing animals for selfish gain but then you look at London Zoo who use the money they raise into research and breeding and conservation, then there is the institutionalized side of me that says its normal and that there is nothing wrong with it and it is that side of me that usually wins over....

So I visited one of my favourite place in Cairo... Giza Zoo. For me, the animals at Giza zoo make up the background scenery, what I love to see most are the people, normal 'working class' Egyptians enjoying a family day out at the zoo. I don't know what it is exactly that entertains me so much at being around the general nas (people) of Cairo and usually it can become quite suffocating giving the sheer magnitude of the population here in Cairo. I thnk its the fact that here its a controlled environment, its magnificently green in contrast to the generally yellow country surrounding it without the young pubescent guys that holler at you from the sidelines or the random Taxi that follows you down a street convinced that you need his services lol. Basically, its full of happy people flowers and paths without pot-holes. My kind of place to be :)

Georges Kazazian - Tal el Amarna

2011-06-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

Can't wait to see this live at Al-Azhar park June 16th Cairo!!!!! the best setting for the best sounds yayyyy (www.alazharpark.com)

Ta7ya ya Misr

2011-06-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

Not long touched down in Cairo town. Staying out in the 'suburbs' area known as tegamo3a in a compound called Al Rehab, the place where I've had my fondest memories of Egypt so renting here was an urge of nostalgia. However I am pretty cut-off from the hustle and bustle of the city. Transport remains at an abundance and yesterday I found myself mooching around Giza Zoo.

Can't wait to start my internship with soliya on Monday in Tahrir and to set foot on the soil of the revolution. Along with that and all that I have in stall here with 'Draw a Smile' and our peers 'Face', as well as the reason for my presence in Egypt <3 I am Happy Al Hamdulilah rab al Akram xx

To do list

2011-04-07T04:28:00.000-07:00

Agenda for today; Print research articles for my essay on 'The Wilton Dyptych' Take an anti-hystemine Mow the lawn Read the articles spark the barby... (unfortunately this is for my amusement only) ...To be continued

2011-04-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

"No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee." [Umar Ibn al-Khattab]

Essays

2011-03-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

So, I publish my essays on my blog under the page heading of 'If you think you can handle it'.To be honest I can't imagine anyone reading them only for the fact it isn't necessarily aesthetically pleasing and blogger makes publishing on a page difficult at the best of times.

The latest entry is an essay I wrote for my Judaism module about The Kabbalah. I actually enjoyed researching and writing this essay. I am currently writing an essay for the explanation of the doctrine of the Trinity for my Christian theology class, and I'm surprised to say that both themes are really quite similar. That is that they both seem to have eventuated via the philosophical questions of a believer to the nature and character of the Divine.

Any way it's all there if you are interested.......

The sea Draggon

2011-03-16T05:43:00.001-07:00

So I was watching the Eden channel on sky to ease me out of my slumber and they were filming this amazing almost mythical creature called the sea draggon (like i was saying i was still somewhat groggy from sleep so couldn't tell you too much about it) but thought I would share Gods beautiful work with you all

2011-03-15T09:18:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have been...

Came across this from my blog feed:

“Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.”, Thomas Paine

Found it quite apt

Focus

2011-03-01T01:57:00.000-08:00

Today, is a trialing day. Why is it that sometimes you wake up full of the air of promise, ready to embark on your 12 hour journey in the world of possibilities and other days your irritable, pessimistic and put-out by the sheer fact that you have to wake up and slave away to the schedule you've imposed on yourself.

So, there I am, butt to butt in the narrow corridor of a 'South Western' train being yelled at by the other disgruntled commuters who like me didn't wake up on 'the right side of the bed'. I try to take my irritated mind out of my hostile environment and pick up my kindle and start to read. I get a seat which forces me to try to put the day in a different light so I sit staring out on to the world with my usual 'lets change my energy' incantation (this usually consists of a sharp word or two with myself about gratitude). My mood slowly starts to shift and I am no longer in need of my 'London mantra'. A man in a suit sneezes rather loudly and as usual no one raises an eyebrow or batters an eyelid, the 'cold' demeanor of the English is one I'm always trying to surpass so I offer my 'bless you' as a charity which results in a 'how dare you take note of me' look from the man in question until he buries his head back into his news paper.

Sigh, 'don't let it phase you' I tell myself holding strong to the up-lifted disposition I earlier trained for. Eventually, I arrive at my final destination, fall up the stairs ready to laugh off my embarrassment as i lay on all fours splayed against the cold concrete, only to realise that people are actually tutting as they clamber over me. I route-march the mile walk to university, arrive to my lecture on time only to be told that it has been cancelled. I receive my 'marked' paper for an essay from last term realising that my marker couldn't even be bothered to write more than a sentence for the explanation of my rather poor mark.

Here, I am in the university library writing this out so I can mentally throw all the bad bits away and get on with some work. Yes, throw away the bad stuff.... Is that possible? I wonder...

Even a smile is charity

2011-02-24T11:51:00.000-08:00

I have often tried to keep business and pleasure seperate but have made a huge mistake in doing so with this blog and my involvement (over the past year plus) with Draw a Smile.

Draw A Smile is forever keeping us all busy and what with the encroaching deadlines at uni I have often needed a productive distraction for breaks in reading. Essentially for me, thats where the Draw a Smile blog emerged from. However it has long been apparent to the founder (Ahmed Ali) and I that alot more can be said for what we (smilers) do on a day to day basis. Although we have the web site and the facebook page they are often used as a marketing or advertising tool where as every vollunteer that works at DAS has thousands of experiences to share. Experiences that have changed our lives and shaped our memories.

Please check us out, you don't know what your missing!

Website: http://www.drawasmile.org.uk/

Blog: http://evenasmileischarity.blogspot.com/ (still in progress)

Aid EGYPT - the quest to help our heroes

2011-02-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

As some of you that pass through my blog may know, I am a very proud and devout member and one of the managers to Draw a Smile. Draw a smile is now a registered charity raising thousands of pounds week by week by the invaluable effort of young people in the UK. It aims to do one thing only which is to Draw a Smile onto the faces of orphans worldwide. The majority of the group, self excluded are Egyptian which is why it made sense to start this astronomical task within a country they were familiar with. Draw A Smile now has a sister organisation called aidEGYPT which, of course was fuelled by the protests that started and ended this month.

Last Sunday I had the rare opportunity to attend a Draw A Smile/Aid Egypt function as a guest and experience the impact of the message myself and others strive so hard to deliver; that Together We Can!

The charity Dinner was held at Assaha restaurant renowned for its ambient interior and high standard food although none of the 100+ attendees that Sunday night noticed a bit of it. Along with a fantastic speech given by a young UK Egyptian male that decided to go over during the crisis and see what was going on for himself, was this video made by a fellow DAS member and friend.

It is my pleasure to share it with you all, whom ever may be watching and hope that it breeds the same level of consciousness into you that it did in me.

Allahu Akbar

Words to make you seem smart

2011-02-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

I have never understood the real reason for writers/scholars etc to use such In-pronounceable, long-winded, phrasing/wording when such a simpler universal word always seems to exist within its shadow. I seem to find myself reducing paragraphs down to sentences that make far more sense from these convoluted texts;

con-vo-lut-ed

kon-vuh-loo-ted

-adjective

complicated, intricately involved.

My point entirely! why not just say complex? Sure, it could just be my lack in intellectualism and I would accept that if it wasn't for the fact that I KNOW I am not the only one to complain about this!

Yes I am ranting on and yes I love language! But come on, I have 10,000 words to write by the end of 2 months time (shouldn't really be using them all up on here either :/) do you know how much reading that is! Aye-Kerrumba!

So, I am going to build up a little vocab list hoping it will help to make words like convoluted hold the same value in my pea-brain as its counter part 'complicated'.

I guess the best way would be to start it on its own page so as not to disturb any light reading (which is often than not all my blog offers). And please don't judge if my ignorance becomes oh too evident on such a page :s

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

2011-02-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

Came across this after browsing a new blog I'm into http://whatmyworldslike.com/ written by a beautiful inspiring lady. Seen as I haven't heard this since it was released and due to the fact I was allot younger ergo allot more ignorant, it seems as if it is only now that I am able to realise how profound this really is. Enjoy x

Have you got a minute?

2011-02-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

From next Monday Londoners will literally be able to sell 'a minute of your time'. So next time an annoying anorak with a servey asks for 'just a minute of your time madame' you can point him in the direction of Brixton market vending machine called Brick Box where he/she will be able to buy a dvd of a minute of your time!

Artist Brian Lobel will be willing and waiting for all those that wish to aid his project of 'Carpe Minuta Prima' (seize the minute) in Brixton market between 10am-6pm, 21st-26 Feb and 4th-10th March @ Brick Box 41 Granville Arcade, SW9 8PS.

NIQABITCH

2011-02-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

Once you get over your shock, and you open your mind and drop your own prejudices, I hope that you find this protest to be what it is, a freedom of speech.

These ladies retaliated to the ban on niqab and hijab in France by producing this protest of their own. You may not like it but they certainly have a point.

By mixing the sacred with the profane they illustrate the ridicule we bring ourselves by placing such importance on fabric. Yes! I wear the hijab! but I wear it for my own reasons that are largely assosciated with religious ones but that is neither here nor there. One of the reasons I wear it and keep it is because I feel that I should be free to wear what I want in as much of an abundance as I like or as little for that matter.

Maybe it is the boom of the fashion industry that have ours and other western societies so obsessed with outward appearence, I don't know.

Some people hate these woman for what they did, and I'm sure the majority of which were muslim! can you believe it!!!!!! muslims! like me, asking for the right and freedom to wear what pleases them and yet tearing these women down for exorcising the same right- ok sure they were doing it purely for provocation - but as long as we want freedom of speach then we will have to listen to a whole lot of things that we don't necesarily like or want to hear and we shouldn't complain whilst doing so either.

The message is clear! freedom for all and hipocracy for none, its just a shame that they had to walk in the shoes of those they are trying to reach out to... NO I don't mean muslims, I mean hypocrites.

Think what you will, I commend them and I'm proud to do so

kulu haga

2011-02-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

When I'm happy, I am with you,

When I am bored, I seek you out,

When I am tired, I pray for you to visit me in my dreams,

When I'm sad, the sight of you eases me,

When I'm angry, I humble myself for your sake,

When I'm depressed, I long for you,

When I'm confused, you are the one that brings clarity,

When I am worried, you give me that sense of hope,

When I'm lonely, its because you are not there,

When I'm hopefull, its because I saw your smile,

When I'm anxious, its because I can't get enough of you,

When Allah blesses me with so much ability to feel and to know and to have, I wonder at the glory of the mercy of God and how on us he has bestowed his grace.

Friends

2011-02-17T06:34:00.000-08:00

Through the years of life, you hear many proverbs and short tales of advise.

'You will be able to count your friends onto 1 hand'

I never really apreciated that saying to it's full, untill slowly, you realise that you no longer seem to be counted on the hands of those friends that may feature on yours.

Sa3eed

2011-02-15T05:21:00.001-08:00

His name was sa3eed, from Ghana and he called out to me with peace. In just 10 minutes he had given me a silent smile that reverberated through my soul and felt like it would last forever.

He wore a tweed flat cap and thread bear finger-less woollen gloves. He presented me with enlarged laminated pictures of his youth his wedding day, his boxing career and an old band poster which had featured in a succession of countries, one of which being Finland where he had learnt a new language and lost a marriage.

He spoke of Ummar the warrior companion and recited Jibra'ils message to the prophet (saaws) in an excitable stammered pattern, contrary to the scholars and their precision. In this broken & almost un-audible sound of his, the Qur'an echoed its original beauty in an un-orthadox way.

I walked away to the sound of his guitar and the strength of his kindness.

This is the power of communication!

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

BE WITH THE REVOLUTION!

2011-02-03T09:47:00.001-08:00

consciousness

2011-01-26T15:22:00.001-08:00

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words,they become your actions.

Watch your actions,they become your habits.

Watch your habits,they become your character.

Watch your character because it WILL become your destiny.

Came across this in a forward but found it to be quite apt!

Misr - No pretenses

2011-01-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

For anyone that has visited Egypt and lived the streets of Cairo, this is for you x

... For all the rest of ya, beautiful honest imagery mashallah

Terms

2011-01-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

kenosis |kəˈnōsis|noun(in Christian theology) the renunciation of the divine nature, at least in part, by Christ in the Incarnation.DERIVATIVESkenotic |-ˈnätik| |kəˈnɑdɪk| |kiˈnɑdɪk| |-ˈnɒtɪk| adjectiveORIGIN late 19th cent.: from Greek kenōsis ‘an emptying,’ fromkenoun ‘to empty,’ from kenos ‘empty,’ with biblical allusion (Phil. 2:7) to Greek heauton ekenōse, literally ‘emptied himself.’

What I'm reading... incase anyone cares?

2011-01-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

So everyone reads the metro right? That newspaper thats stained in coffee marks re-printed with the sole of a size 9 shoe and almost always harbors an unsavory foreign object between a few of the pages...

...Anyway, I don't, not really, and not for any of the rather valid reasons listed above. I don't read the news because the news depresses me. Sure call me immature, unrealistic or whatever you want but I think I have the right to chose, if I can, to stay away from that which may lull me into the insecure pessimist that runs the rat race of the Western world...... where was I going with this?...

Ahh yeh, So! there is this one section in the Metro that I sometimes bravely flip through to. The section that has the list of most played music from some 'b listers' ipod which I thought would be better if it was of their books then I wouldn't have to frantically flip through that dangerous collection of depressive stories. So incase there's anyone out there who like me doesn't want to subject themselves to light torture or be sucked in by the humm-drum of the news in every start of their day then here is my list of what I'm reading. O.K! I'm not Richard or Judy or a 'B, C, D or even D list celebrity' but I'm hard to please in terms of reading.

So here they are, in no particular order:

'To Kill a Mockingbird', Harper Lee.
'The Zahir', Paulo Coelho.
'The Glorious Qur'an', Tajweed.
'The Cairo Trilogy', Naguib Mahfouz.
'Christian Theology', Alistair McGath.
'Judaism', Nicholas DeLange.

Key differences between Indian religions and Abrahamic faith: Challenges to the concept of the 'religion' paradigm.

2011-01-16T04:47:00.000-08:00

This article was written as an assignment for the degree of 'Theology and Religious studies' By me, Jessi Walker.

All religion is centralized around the idea of ‘human condition’. This is where we see key differences distinctive between Abrahamic faiths and those of India, most importantly the views of human condition through observation of human place in time. Time within Abrahamic faiths is a linear one. Each of us has one beginning, a fixed period of existence with an end and an eternal future that is fixed. In comparison Indian faiths such as Hinduism and Buddhism have a cyclical view on time. The human condition for Hinduism and Buddhism is a continual one, which is eternal with multiple beginnings and endings. This is best illustrated in the Buddhist ‘Wheel of life’.

In both Indian faiths, Hinduism and Buddhism there is one ultimate goal of extinction; to end the cycle of rebirth through breaking the chains of time; Samsara. They differ in their view of the path to do so and theistic Hinduism is similar to the Abrahamic faiths in the fact that they feel their salvation is best sought after through the pleasing of a personal God(s)/Goddess.

Religion as a term for doctrines of Indian faiths can be a label wrongly used. As Hinduism doesn’t hold any core characteristics that we can measure by and even using the term Hinduism as a blanket term for the ideas found within it can be suffocating and oppressive to its diversity, imposing the conformity of Western religion. Similarly for Buddhism, Indian religions challenge the way we think about the constitution of religion although in a different light in the fact that it is the vacancy of a God/Gods and is replaced with a concentration of the teachings of an enlightened human. This causes us to re-evaluate it as a religion and can be viewed as a school of philosophy/psychology? The distinctions of which are questioned.

Teaching children the Qur'an

2011-01-16T04:36:00.000-08:00

Mesbah is a Canadian muslim who simply loves Islam photography and lego. This is an excerpt from her blog www.readwithmeaning.wordpress.com

Surah Al-Ikhlas

Attention!

2011-01-09T07:59:00.001-08:00

'The average man can't prove of most of the things that he chooses to speak of
And still won't research and find out the root of the truth that you seek of...'

Pygmalion effect

2011-01-08T16:01:00.001-08:00

The Pygmalion effect, or Rosenthal effect, refers to the phenomenon in which the greater the expectation placed upon people, often children or students and employees, the better they perform.

ALL WELCOME

2011-01-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

As a Buddhist Christian:

the misappropriation of

Iris Murdoch

Wednesday January 12^th, at 5.p.m.

Convent Parlour

Refreshments will be served

Digby Stuart Research Centre for Catholic Studies

Roehampton University

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM JESSI X

2011-01-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

The 10 commandments

2010-11-09T04:36:00.000-08:00

I am currently studying Theology and Religious studies at Roehampton University. One of my modules is 'Introduction to the Bible' and, at present, is the most interesting part of my life.

I often say to people that I am not a Christian or a Jew as much as I am not a Muslim. I am a follower of the religion of Abraham.

Although all of what I study is enthraling and important, there are certain things that I find to be highlighted before me. The below Reference to the Bible is one of those that, for me re-itterates the need for belief in the 'religion of Abraham' to take more importance as a label to that of 'Islam'.

'Then God spoke all these words: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an Idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath...'

Exodus 20

Complexities of the human condition

2010-11-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

"To think is easy. To act is difficult. To act as one thinks is the most difficult of all." – Johann von Goethe

Facebook

2010-11-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

What is it?
Essentially, it is a tool to watch and monitor other peoples lives.

What is/was my relationship with Facebook?
I was/am addicted to it.

To summarise;
I was addicted to watching other peoples lives.

As ashamed as I am to hear/read myself say that it is the truth and as with any addiction the 1st step is owning up to that of which has taken over your life in a destructive and negative way.

Today is day 3 of the rest of MY LIFE an item for attention!

2010-10-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

"The buzz of life ceases at their touch as a pianestring stops
sounding when the damper falls upon it."

William James.
The variety of religious experience, The sick soul.

Windows

2010-10-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

Looks through the memories of others through cracked grainy windows without frames,
saddened by the love and good times you once shared with people with no names,

Unaware of my sacrificial sadness you live your lives apart.

Mirror image reflected through the smiles of strangers I will never meet,
to dance to the drum of your collective beat,

Ressonating through windows without frames.

JW

:D

2010-10-30T03:20:00.000-07:00

http://drawasmile.org.uk/news.html#gpu

You know how......

2010-10-24T18:13:00.001-07:00

You know how when your feeling ill, you know that if you could just throw up you'd feel miles better.....

And, you know how sometimes before u sneeze you have that lingering itchy feeling that's impossible to scratch and your forever feeling like your about to do it, your about to sneeze which would stop all the aggravation and feel great!........

Just like, you know when your hurting so badly, whether it justified or not, its a feeling, and you own that feeling, like when you realise that you've truly understood the meaning of heartache because truly, you're heart does ache, boy does it ache. Your eyes fill up, you're vision is blurred the pain intensifies and you know that if you could just have a good old cry- you might, by the mercy of Allah feel a little bit better........

.......But, you can't...... And so, you don't.

You know'
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

Linear

2010-10-22T04:04:00.001-07:00

He said he loved my lines :)

When?

2010-10-01T17:30:00.001-07:00

...And if u have a girlfriend, at which point should she become your wife?

When you are financially able?

Even if she asks less than a grain of rice for her maher.

When you have a roof to provide her with?

Even though the prophet (saaws) was married to Ayesha for years before he housed her.

When your parents allow you?

You should stay obedient to your parents at all times unless they ask that of you against Islam and in Islam marriage is half of your religion.!

When you have the time for the wedding?

Although all it takes is a handful of people, yourselves included to sign on a piece of paper with sincerity in your heart before Allah.

When do you make a girlfriend your wife?

When she's crying for forgiveness for the haram she has faced you with.

How could that girl feel when you will not allow her to be your woman and when you can not even answer the simple question of when a girlfriend can become your wife?

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

Draw a Smile :)

2010-09-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

WWW.DRAWASMILE.ORG.UK
This year draw a smile is happy to say that we will be at the global peace and unity event! grab a ticket enjoy the day and help a child smile!

www.theglobalunity.com

2010-09-29T04:25:00.001-07:00

I just can't describe cosmic influence to any single earthly event.

They simply say-'coincidence'.

But I know its much more.

Al hamdulilah 3ala qadr Allah

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

engarde!

2010-09-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

In 2 hours I have my first class in Fencing for a competetive level- I am very excited!

2010-09-25T03:24:00.000-07:00

Testing testing- 123. This is a test text from mobile to blogger

My first day at school

2010-09-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

When I woke up this morning, stretched out my arm to see 7.45 on my clock and realised I had once again made the same mistake as I had done many times before (forgotten to chose am on the alarm), I thought to myself! of course, this is typical 'Jessi' behaviour! to be 45 minutes late on her first day at university.

I should add that my decision to give university another go has been the bone of contention for not only my parents but also my subconscious. For the past week approaching the start of 'freshers week' at all universities around the country, I have been inundated with the same question; 'so are you excited!?'

The truth is I wasn't excited. I was anxious, nervous, apprehensive, pessimistic, one might even say terrified. But I wasn't excited.

So, there I was, finally. Equipped with neck brace, lecture hall and an attention span of a goldfish, I wondered what the hell I was doing there.

Then I met my tutors and I felt excited.

An Italian that spoke Farsi and taught Quranic Arabic. Her specialty woman in Islam, her passion - UNmeasurable and her accent- fantastico.
A post 60's hippy that spent 10 years in India studying Hinduism and mythology, a specialist in Sanskrit with a love for late morning starts.
A 'talks too much' American that specialises in Judaism asking me if I think he should start his teaching from a theological point of view with texts and history or if he should try things differently looking at Jewish influence in modern film culture and politics.

What I realised, is that I could be any 3 of these people, they were normal, they were sympathetic, open minded, full of faults and intelligent.

I can do this.

I can get a degree.

Ayman El Bakry

2010-09-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

When you tell me that Greasy hair means healthy hair when I complain that I haven't had the time to wash it- I love you.
When you take me all the way across London carrying my case, my over-sized bag and my shopping every step of the way- I love you.
When you rush out in the middle of the night to multiple pharmacies, taking taxi's trying to find a way to get an inhaler without a prescription- I love you.
When you take me shopping for new stationary to help calm the nerves of the coming first day at university- I love you.
When you suggest making new traditions to our relationship that demonstrate another breath-taking humbling way to spoil me- I love you.
When you hold open doors, pull out chairs and stand aside for me to go ahead of you- I love you.
When you call me beautiful- I love you.
When you put up with my mood swings and grumpy episodes- I love you.
When you are the only one to not only encourage me but to see a potential from within me that I have been fighting with myself to recognise- I love you.
When you haven't slept for 48 hours trying to make everything perfect for an academic deadline and you squeeze 4 extra hours from your exhausted beautiful self just to be in my company- I love you.

I love you, not only for so many reasons, but in soooooooo many ways that I can't even begin to describe.

I try to be poetic but whilst letting my mind drift to the over-whelming place that bursts at its seems to try to explain it, I, I ......i..., well, I 'something like that'.

I love you <3

churning that wheel

2010-09-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

I try, I try hard. I try harder and harder each day to be there for you to make you happy.

Useless I feel useless. As useless as one of the ornaments on your shelf that was forgotten, that I cleaned as a silly attempt to show you I try.

You value your personal space and your sleep and when compromised you can be quite aggressive and if i haven't seen that than its because I'm quite special, you say.

I feel.....I feel like an ornament because even in my glory as front row on your shelf my grace and presence doesn't do anything to make you happy. And even when I try, I can't do anything to make you smile.

Every night I pray that I can make you happy. I pray for patience, I pray for strength, I pray for your happiness, ya Rab.

You have told me so many beautiful, comforting words before, i try to believe them now, now that before was then and I haven't seen you smile since before.

Your life is hard now, it's real hard and I want to be the one to soften it, but how?

I pray for the knowledge to make you happy.

So I wait in limbo. I paint smiles on my face, my brush gets bigger and more generous every day.

I love you but I have always known that love isn't enough.

Today, you said sorry I asked you what I had done wrong and you said that you didn't know what was wrong with you these days. I couldn't look at you because I didn't want you to see the mark the tears had left on my face because I knew that this would hurt you. That the knowledge of hurting me would hurt you and I cling to this as my evidence that you still love me.

Yesterday you didn't reply when I said I love you.

I pray for patience, I pray for strength and I pray for the knowledge of how to make you happy.

I love you.

I try and I will try till the day I die.

Panyan

2010-09-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

I marvel in your greatness every day and after all the years of knowing you it still surprises me how amazing you really are.
You accept everyone I bring into your life and find the good within them that isn't always apparent.
Although your week may be lacking, you wake up day by day with a smile on your face and a radiating warmth in your presence that subtly blows me away every time im blessed with it.
You fight with finesse your personal struggles and do it so eloquently and with such patience.
I pray to god that I grow old into your character fitting it like a glove.
Your energy and resiliance undermines the words used to explain them.
What can I say mum, sub7anallah you are amazing!

NEVER WAKE UP: THE MEANING AND SECRET OF INCEPTION

2010-09-04T04:59:00.000-07:00

This entire article is a major spoiler for Inception. Please do not read it until you've experienced Christopher Nolan's film for yourself.

Every single moment of Inception is a dream. I think that in a couple of years this will become the accepted reading of the film, and differing interpretations will have to be skillfully argued to be even remotely considered. The film makes this clear, and it never holds back the truth from audiences. Some find this idea to be narratively repugnant, since they think that a movie where everything is a dream is a movie without stakes, a movie where the audience is wasting their time.

Except that this is exactly what Nolan is arguing against. The film is a metaphor for the way that Nolan as a director works, and what he's ultimately saying is that the catharsis found in a dream is as real as the catharsis found in a movie is as real as the catharsis found in life. Inception is about making movies, and cinema is the shared dream that truly interests the director.

I believe that Inception is a dream to the point where even the dream-sharing stuff is a dream. Dom Cobb isn't an extractor. He can't go into other people's dreams. He isn't on the run from the Cobol Corporation. At one point he tells himself this, through the voice of Mal, who is a projection of his own subconscious. She asks him how real he thinks his world is, where he's being chased across the globe by faceless corporate goons.

She asks him that in a scene that we all know is a dream, but Inception lets us in on this elsewhere. Michael Caine's character implores Cobb to return to reality, to wake up. During the chase in Mombasa, Cobb tries to escape down an alleyway, and the two buildings between which he's running begin closing in on him - a classic anxiety dream moment. When he finally pulls himself free he finds Ken Watanabe's character waiting for him, against all logic. Except dream logic.

Much is made in the film about totems, items unique to dreamers that can be used to tell when someone is actually awake or asleep. Cobb's totem is a top, which spins endlessly when he's asleep, and the fact that the top stops spinning at many points in the film is claimed by some to be evidence that Cobb is awake during those scenes. The problem here is that the top wasn't always Cobb's totem - he got it from his wife, who killed herself because she believed that they were still living in a dream. There's more than a slim chance that she's right - note that when Cobb remembers her suicide she is, bizarrely, sitting on a ledge opposite the room they rented. You could do the logical gymnastics required to claim that Mal simply rented another room across the alleyway, but the more realistic notion here is that it's a dream, with the gap between the two lovers being a metaphorical one made literal. When Mal jumps she leaves behind the top, and if she was right about the world being a dream, the fact that it spins or doesn't spin is meaningless. It's a dream construct anyway. There's no way to use the top as a proof of reality.

Watching the film with this eye you can see the dream logic unfolding. As is said in the movie, dreams seem real in the moment and it's only when you've woken up that things seem strange. The film's 'reality' sequences are filled with moments that, on retrospect, seem strange or unlikely or unexplained. Even the basics of the dream sharing technology is unbelievably vague, and I don't think that's just because Nolan wants to keep things streamlined. It's because Cobb's unconscious mind is filling it in as he goes along.

There's more, but I would have to watch the film again with a notebook to get all the evidence (all of it in plain sight). The end seems without a doubt to be a dream - from the dreamy way the film is shot and edited once Cobb wakes up on the plane all the way through to him coming home to find his two kids in the exact position and in the exact same clothes that he kept remembering them, it doesn't matter if the top falls, Cobb is dreaming.

That Cobb is dreaming and still finds his catharsis (that he can now look at the face of his kids) is the point. It's important to realize that Inception is a not very thinly-veiled autobiographical look at how Nolan works. In a recent red carpet interview, Leonardo DiCaprio - who was important in helping Nolan get the script to the final stages - compares the movie not to The Matrix or some other mindfuck movie but Fellini's 8 1/2. This is probably the second most telling thing DiCaprio said during the publicity tour for the film, with the first being that he based Cobb on Nolan. 8 1/2 is totally autobiographical for Fellini, and it's all about an Italian director trying to overcome his block and make a movie (a science fiction movie, even). It's a film about filmmaking, and so is Inception.

The heist team quite neatly maps to major players in a film production. Cobb is the director while Arthur, the guy who does the research and who sets up the places to sleep, is the producer. Ariadne, the dream architect, is the screenwriter - she creates the world that will be entered. Eames is the actor (this is so obvious that the character sits at an old fashioned mirrored vanity, the type which stage actors would use). Yusuf is the technical guy; remember, the Oscar come from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and it requires a good number of technically minded people to get a movie off the ground. Nolan himself more or less explains this in the latest issue of Film Comment, saying 'There are a lot of striking similarities [between what the team does and the putting on of a major Hollywood movie]. When for instance the team is out on the street they've created, surveying it, that's really identical with what we do on tech scouts before we shoot.'

That leaves two key figures. Saito is the money guy, the big corporate suit who fancies himself a part of the game. And Fischer, the mark, is the audience. Cobb, as a director, takes Fischer through an engaging, stimulating and exciting journey, one that leads him to an understanding about himself. Cobb is the big time movie director (or rather the best version of that - certainly not a Michael Bay) who brings the action, who brings the spectacle, but who also brings the meaning and the humanity and the emotion.

The movies-as-dreams aspect is part of why Inception keeps the dreams so grounded. In the film it's explained that playing with the dream too much alerts the dreamer to the falseness around him; this is just another version of the suspension of disbelief upon which all films hinge. As soon as the audience is pulled out of the movie by some element - an implausible scene, a ludicrous line, a poor performance - it's possible that the cinematic dream spell is broken completely, and they're lost.

As a great director, Cobb is also a great artist, which means that even when he's creating a dream about snowmobile chases, he's bringing something of himself into it. That's Mal. It's the auterist impulse, the need to bring your own interests, obsessions and issues into a movie. It's what the best directors do. It's very telling that Nolan sees this as kind of a problem; I suspect another filmmaker might have cast Mal as the special element that makes Cobb so successful.

Inception is such a big deal because it's what great movies strive to do. You walk out of a great film changed, with new ideas planted in your head, with your neural networks subtly rewired by what you've just seen. On a meta level Inception itself does this, with audiences leaving the theater buzzing about the way it made them feel and perceive. New ideas, new thoughts, new points of view are more lasting a souvenir of a great movie than a ticket stub.

It's possible to view Fischer, the mark, as not the audience but just as the character that is being put through the movie that is the dream. To be honest, I haven't quite solidified my thought on Fischer's place in the allegorical web, but what's important is that the breakthrough that Fischer has in the ski fortress is real. Despite the fact that his father is not there, despite the fact that the pinwheel was never by his father's bedside, the emotions that Fischer experiences are 100 percent genuine. It doesn't matter that the movie you're watching isn't a real story, that it's just highly paid people putting on a show - when a movie moves you, it truly moves you. The tears you cry during Up are totally real, even if absolutely nothing that you see on screen has ever existed in the physical world.

For Cobb there's a deeper meaning to it all. While Cobb doesn't have daddy issues (that we know of), he, like Fischer, is dealing with a loss. He's trying to come to grips with the death of his wife*; Fischer's journey reflects Cobb's while not being a complete point for point reflection. That's important for Nolan, who is making films that have personal components - that talk about things that obviously interest or concern him - but that aren't actually about him. Other filmmakers (Fellini) may make movies that are thinly veiled autobiography, but that's not what Nolan or Cobb are doing. The movies (or dreams) they're putting together reflect what they're going through but aren't easily mapped on to them. Talking to Film Comment, Nolan says he has never been to psychoanalysis. 'I think I use filmmaking for that purpose. I have a passionate relationship to what I do.'

In a lot of ways Inception is a bookend to last summer's Inglorious Basterds. In that film Quentin Tarantino celebrated the ways that cinema could change the world, while in Inception Nolan is examining the ways that cinema, the ultimate shared dream, can change an individual. The entire film is a dream, within the confines of the movie itself, but in a more meta sense it's Nolan's dream. He's dreaming Cobb, and finding his own moments of revelation and resolution, just as Cobb is dreaming Fischer and finding his own catharsis and change.

The whole film being a dream isn't a cop out or a waste of time, but an ultimate expression of the film's themes and meaning. It's all fake. But it's all very, very real. And that's something every single movie lover understands implicitly and completely.

* it's really worth noting that if you accept that the whole movie is a dream that Mal may not be dead. She could have just left Cobb. The mourning that he is experiencing deep inside his mind is no less real if she's alive or dead - he has still lost her.

Names

2010-09-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

My name is Jessi.
Some call me 'Jess', stupidly, this annoys me. Some people call me 'Habibti' (darling), he calls me 'Hayati' obviously this delights me, and when my mother calls me 'petal' this softens me.

Imagine how it pleases Allah when we mention his name.

Depending on what surah's we recite during our prayers we mention Allah 5 times (periods) a day minimum. This is the 'fard' (obligitory) rememberence that is asked of us.

Some of us remember Allah mmore than this. Some of us remember Allah when we see something amazing and we say 'subhanallah' (glory be to god), when we here something good 'mashallah' (as god has willed).

Every time we do this we please Allah :)

What an achievement! to please god!

Say BISMILLAHIR RAHMANIR RAHIM!
When Allah banished the devil from heaven, the 1st thing the devil asked was; But,

Where will I eat and drink?
Where will I sleep?

to which Allah replied; 'You will eat, drink and sleep with those that fail to say bismillah.'

The benefits of bismillah;

The prophet Mohammed (saaws) was standing by some children who were eating and all of a sudden a huge smile came upon his face. One of the children came to him and asked;
'ya rasoolilah, why is it that you are all of a sudden so happy?'
The prophet replied;
'When you began to eat a child amongst you forgot to say 'bismillah' so shaytan (satan) sat to eat from his food with him....
....but then the child remembered and said 'BISMILLAHI-AWWALUHU WA AKIRAHU' to which shaytan vomited.

Allahs infinate mercy from bismillah;

Prophet Mohammed saaws said;
When a man dies, his good deeds come to an end, except 3:

ongoing charity,
beneficial knowledge
and righteous offspring who will pray for him (sahih muslim)

Sayedena Isa (raa) Jesus, walked past a grave and heared great torment from it. The next time he walked past the same grave there was silence. Jesus turned to Allah and asked; 'Oh Allah, how it was that his mercy was bought upon the inhabitant of this grave.
Allah replied;
'ya Isa (Oh Jesus) , when the man died, he left behind a child. When his mother took him to school and he, the child, said Bismillaahir rahmaanir raheem in the presence of the teacher, it is not like me to keep on punishing his father while he called me Rahmaan and Raheem. Hence, I forgave him.

The 10 days of forgiveness

2010-08-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

'In the last third of every night ALLAH descends to the lowermost heaven and says; "Who is calling Me, so that I may answer him? Who is asking Me so that may I grant him? Who is seeking forgiveness from Me so that I may forgive him?.'

[Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith Qudsi]

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) reported:

The devil said to God: "I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies."
And God replied: "(Then) I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness."

- Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 742

On the authority of Anas, who said:

I heard the messenger (SAW) of Allah say:
Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind.
O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.
O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me,
I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

Then but now!

2010-08-26T05:21:00.001-07:00

I could sit and talk about then and now but I couldn't think of it, because thinking of it takes a little part of me back there and why go to a place that had no benefit for me.

I could tell you that I loved once before that I made many mistakes that I was once a kafir but I have no need to think in it, 'The past'.

The past is what it is, the past! and it had/has no benefit for me.

And, although the saying go's 'those that chose to forget the past are condemned to repeating it', 'those' people did not have the secret.

When I look to you I am not looking at our past but rather I am looking to your future, when I look to him I am not looking to his past but I am looking to our future.

The seconds, hours, days, weeks, months, and years change me but nothing makes me want to change more than him...

Allah you are my guide your mercy knows no limits and I find myself in your favour.

You sent for me a guiding light from amongst the shadows, you taught me patience through prayer and I am, as ever grateful.

I asked much from you, and you kept my friends health, my brothers fi deen 3ala siratul mustaqeem. Like many that came before me and for those that came after you sent many lights.

You are blessing me now with the month of Ramadan, my salvage, our redemption. I am living in the 10 days of forgiveness. Rabighfirlee!!!

You know that I seek no malice you know that I only seek peace, inshallah you bless him with that knowledge.

My attempts are futile and are misinterpreted but my intentions are never unseen by you. Al hamdulilah.

My guiding light knows your mercy sub7anallah, embodies mercy.

My guiding light knows your forgiveness, al hamdulilah, embraces forgiveness.

My guiding light knows your greatness, Allahu Akbar, strives for greatness

My guiding light is Great, my mercy from you, as you shower upon me the ability to seek forgiveness.

May my gratitude never find boundaries as then I will be one of the wretched I will become what some have seen of me in that place that has no benefit.

Allahu Akbar, Allahu akram, allahu rabbi! Rabena.

being back

2010-08-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I missed you.
I felt regret for not being there to look after you,
I wanted to talk to you,

So I reached out,

For the first time in my life.

It was He who brought me there,
who tought me how,
who blessed me with the virtues.

He who you hate,

He put me there.

...and now,

I pray for him to bless you too,
and not to let me slip away.

...and I'm looking for you

2010-08-23T14:04:00.001-07:00

I'm back!!!

x

2009-11-25T18:45:00.000-08:00

I can show you real Jessi,
cause of how you deal with me,
when they knock my blocks down~
you come and you build with me!

2009-10-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

ur so amazing jessi
:)

hmm, i think im liking this neuron

2009-09-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

So I told you earlier about this woman that found a spot where she felt comfortable fe mokhy, yeh? She decided to settle down by a constant stream of thought built a small cosy shelter, stacked up the basement with supplies, started growing her favourite fruits in the back yard and got herself a dog. Basically, she’s not going anywhere.

The One

2009-08-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

Surah Ikhlas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my years of struggle of searching for the truth of God, I gave up everything, affirming no relation in it between my head and my heart.
One sunny afternoon a craving for Olives overtook me (which it often did) and so I bought a jar and walked out into Marble Arch and heared a man to my left say;
'Olives! do you know how good olives are for you, and that it was one of the favoured foods of the prophet?
'I know why I like them, and a little about your prophet' I replied and slowly walked towards this bearded man standing at the da3ey (religeous {islamic} stand)'
As our conversation took place and he tried to give me the snippets of info that he thought would keep my attention, I could see he was surprised to see how much I knew being a blonde haired art student walking with pride in my ripped jeans. He offered me any book from the table and as I browsed over them all and had no other ioption to decline his offer as I realised, I had read them all (this dissapointed me, all I was waiting for was for someone to prove me wrong once and for all).
He reached into a box and pulled out 2 books; 'Modern science in the quran', and......

'KITAB AL TAWHID'

The book of 'oneness of god
The oneness of God is what sets Islam, this abrahamic religeon closest to its core.

Surah Ikhlas (Tafsir)

Was revealed in Makkah to the prophet when the Quraysh (an arabic tribe) asked the prophet 'What is your herritage/ancestory (this is disputed amongst narators) of your lord?

To which he replied;

قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ - اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ - لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ - وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ

1.Say: He is Allah, One.
2Allah He begets not, nor was He begotten.
3.And there is non comparable to Him.''

(2.As Samad is one that is not born and doesn not give birth)

Such a simple and short ayah (verse), What importance does this surah hold over others?

A man heard another man reciting قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ (Say: "He is Allah, One.'')

...and he was repeating over and over.

So when morning came, the man went to the Prophet and mentioned that to him,

and it was as though he was belittling it.

The Prophet said, وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ إِنَّهَا لَتَعْدِلُ ثُلُثَ الْقُرْآن

By He in Whose Hand is my soul, verily it is equivalent to a third of the Qur'an.

The Mother

2009-08-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

As we can only ever hope to understand the Quraan better, here are my findings on tafseer of Al Fatiha.

Surah Al Fatiha has 7 verses of which consists of twenty-five words,and contains one hundred and thirteen letters and several names of which the following are included;

Umm Al-Kitab

As Salah

Al Fatiha

Ash-Shifa

Umm Al Kitab

In arabic, many things are referred to as Umm...(mother of...) for instance; Umm Al Qura (Qura-villages) is used to describe Makkah because it is the leader and the grandest of all villages. This indicates to us the stature this Surah has over the Quran.

As Salah

It is refered to as AS Salah as you can not complete a salah (preyer) without it and the prophet further validated this point in a Hadith;

...(Would you like me to teach you a Surah the likes of which nothing has been revealed in the Tawrah, the Injil, the Zabur (Psalms) or the Furqan (the Qur'an)

He said, `Yes, O Messenger of Allah!' The Messenger of Allah said, (I hope that I will not leave through this door until you have learned it.)

He (Ka`b) said, `The Messenger of Allah held my hand while speaking to me. Meanwhile I was slowing down fearing that he might reach the door before he finished his conversation. When we came close to the door, I said: O Messenger of Allah ! What is the Surah that you have promised to teach me'

He said, (What do you read in the prayer.) Ubayy said, `So I recited Umm Al-Qur'an to him.'

He said, (By Him in Whose Hand is my soul! Allah has never revealed in the Tawrah, the Injil, the Zabur or the Furqan a Surah like it. It is the seven repeated verses that I was given.)

Al Fatiha;

Muslim recorded in his Sahih, and An-Nasa'i in his Sunan that:

Ibn `Abbas said, "While Jibril (Gabriel) was with the Messenger of Allah , he heard a noise from above. Jibril lifted his sight to the sky and said, `This is a door in heaven being open, and it has never been opened before now.' An angel descended from that door and came to the Prophet and said, `Receive the glad tidings of two lights that you have been given, which no other Prophet before you was given: the Opening of the Book and the last (three) Ayat of Surat Al-Baqarah. You will not read a letter of them, but will gain its benefit.'''

This is the wording collected by An-Nasa'i (Al-Kubra 5:12) and Muslim recorded similar wording (1:554).

Ash-Shifa;

AS Shifa, meaning 'the cure'. It is also called Ar-Ruqyah (remedy), since in the Sahih, there is the narration of Abu Sa`id telling the the story of the Companion who used Al-Fatihah as a remedy for the tribal chief who was poisoned. Later, the Messenger of Allah said to a Companion;
(How did you know that it is a Ruqyah).

Structure

The formation of this Surah is into two halves between us and Allah. And Allah promices us what we ask for from within this surah, for example did you know;

If he says, 'All praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of existence'
Allah says, `My servant has praised Me.' When the servant says

...'The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful'

Allah says;`My servant has glorified Me.'

When he says; 'The Owner of the Day of Recompense'

Allah says; `My servant has glorified Me'

When he says; 'You (alone) we worship, and You (alone) we ask for help'

Allah say;`This is between Me and My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he sought.'

When he says; 'Guide us to the straight path. The way of those on whom You have granted Your grace, not (the way) of those who earned Your anger, nor of those who went astray.'

Allah says;`This is for My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he asked for.'

To Ahmed, a small thankyou...

2009-08-06T14:04:00.000-07:00

'Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.'

(for all the common sense/advise you have said to me, here is one in return)

'I am ashamed that women are so simple, to offer war where they should kneel for peace.'

(a small piece of chauvinism that I could actually agree to)

'O! how much more doth beauty beauteous seem by that sweet ornament which truth doth give.The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem for that sweet odour, which doth in it live.'

(can you see the metaphor in this?)

'For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; Lilies that fester, smell far worse than weeds.'

(I liked this comparison for you because it uses the flower you like so it should make stronger sense)

P.S. Welcome to William Shakespear

be an egyptian and take take take

2009-05-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

When dh and I first moved to Sokhna, dh offered to buy me a dishwasher.

Well trying to be a good wife and since I wasn't working anymore, I thought we could reduce expenses, so I turned it down.

Number one rule ladies, but never ever turn anything down that you think you might possibly want in the future, cause by that time dh will be convinced you don't need it.

Case in point, after 1 1/2 years of doing dishes, I decided I really trully HATE doing dishes. So naturally I mentioned to dh that the dishwasher was a good idea and I was a foolish woman to turn it down, hence I wanted to rectify my mistake and we should get a dishwasher.

DH said no, not now, wasn't important let's wait etc etc.
Basically, reading the writing on the wall, I wasn't hopeful of my dishwasher dreams comming true. Anyway, as most of you know, I broke my arm recently.

Here''s the dishwasher timeline after:
Late Thursday night, after dishes are done, I break arm Friday,
dh cooks and does dishes Saturday,
we get Pizza from Pizza Hut Sunday,
Monday, dishwasher arrives

If I'd only known it could be that easy, I could have paid a doctor 50le just to wrap my arm in plaster

STUBBORN

2009-05-20T13:56:00.001-07:00

fat brain!

hmmmmm

2009-05-20T13:48:00.001-07:00

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
yeh but I should be treated more gently im not a boy

Leila says:
yeah
i know

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
every1 treats me like a boy

Leila says:
speak more soft

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
the next time im gonna act bare innocent and girlie and weak

Leila says:
loooooooooooool
i tried that one thpo
and thing is

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
and switch it up on their ass

Leila says:
is it works
for ages
till u screw

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
lol

Leila says:
lol

"If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayeda Ayesha RAA says:
love it

2009-05-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

and tonight mathew...

I am the little matchstick girl

2009-05-10T03:53:00.000-07:00

smile
out of all the people i've known
there are some people
for whom i hold alot of meaning
not becuse they know me
or care about me
my privacy or my ideas
but just because i fit some hole in their lives
then there are others
like you
and a select other
who are always part of me
i could be on mars
and you'd still be jessi
dont confuse people who know you,
with people who care about u
she doesnt care about you
you just fit some hole in her life
once you see that, you wont even be angry with her
love you loads walkerster

'If I debate with 70 schollors I'll beat them hands down, but if I debate with a fool, I'll loose' Sayedna Ayesha RAA

good times!

2009-05-08T02:07:00.000-07:00

2009-05-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

The depth of my struggle determines the height of my success

It's always a little that breaks the 'donkey's' back.

2009-05-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

I always want to be a little closer,

you always push me a little further away.

It always hurts me a little harder,

that's when a little go's a long way.

One of my own, upon inspiration and situation.

2009-05-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Every day is a story,
it just depends on how you tell it.

Rabighfirlee!!!

2009-04-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reported that the devil said to God: "I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies." And God replied: "(Then) I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness."

- Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 742

On the authority of Anas, who said:

I heard the messenger of Allah say:
Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

Thoughts

2009-04-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

My recent decision to shut down modes of communication seems to be misunderstood. I keep being told that running away is not going to solve any problems that 'they' presume I have.
that just makes me want to shut them out even more because they obviously don't understand me and I'm all out of patience for people that are'nt on the same page as me.
I know, it sounds incredibly selfish, my problem is that selfish doesn't come naturally and as a result I tend to let every1 walk all over me.

There used to be a day that I could make a vow to give everything of myself to someone knowing that it wouldn't go unrecognised, unapreciated or unreciprocated. Now I offer all and I get a shrug of shoulders or 'hmm'.

So, 'don't give anything' I hear you say, yea sounds simple doesn't it, although it's against my natural order, my grand design. I long to be someones crutch, someones everything, someones get out of jail free card, someones google, to just be someones.

I said that they brought out the worst in me;
'paranoia, selfishness, insecurity, un certainty, angst, addiction'

It will crown you as it will crucify you!

For you

2009-04-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

kida

2009-04-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm over this before it realy began..... weired, fast and heavy, both ways

Dedicated to you the new in my life

2009-03-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

There's this thing that comes with being a muslim that I used to love, The Umma (community) and how idealy they stick together and try to help each other out, but theres a stigma that comes with that side of things that I have only seen since I've been in Egypt.

Obligation;

Its how one is obligated by their religious duty or their feelings towards their religion to be attached to you or to owe you something. I'm sick of people liking me because I am a muslim, because I have knowledge, or because of the transition that was converting. What about the rest of me what about the me that I lived with for 20 years before I made the change. Not all of it neede dto be substituted by a better attitude, I had/have traits of my personality that still are as were before. However no one ever see's them no matter how much I portray them because they are over shadowed by the knowledge that I am a muslim.

Maybe it is my own fault, the visual aspect of my hijab and my white face and European features, the fact that most opening conversations I have with people are revoked due to this appearance. The concept of the Niqab, to conceal ones humility and keep ones honor is something that is abrogated of the contrast it gives in a western society. People look at you more, question you more, fear you and therefore are attracted to you more. Well I feel like not wearing a hijab would be my altimate Niqab. The same way that you should love someone for who they are and not the way that they look (physical beauty) which the concept of the Niqab offers is something I now long for.

To not be judged as a muslim, a convert, but to be judged, loved or hated because I am Jessi who is a muslim not the muslim who happens to be Jessi.

Don't tell me that you don't want to mess things up for me and that I might deviate from my path because of you.

I am Jessi!!!!! and always will be.

Nostalgia

2009-03-20T14:53:00.001-07:00

I love you Leila!

Content

2009-03-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

I wish I could feel content for longer then 5 minutes.

So I havn't really kept anyone updated on here, for reasons only that I didn't have the resources.

Don't ask me how but I ended up in the slums of Egypt struggling without hot water,running water, a kitchen, privacy and yes, I had a toilet that was next to the cooker that didnt work in the store room. I lived with the poor tired and crazy closed minded community that ended up strangling me slowly.

but, by the grace of God I am now in a suburban compound with a 2 bedroom flat with a south facing balcony, a washing machine, a dish washer and a king size bed.

but I am still un settled? not unsettled just I always want more. I am not ungreatful there is never a day that I go without thanking Allah for the blessings that I have now and for having the pacience to stick out the hard times. I just want more.
I think I want company, for the 1st time in my life I actually really want company.
I want the next chapter in my life.

I have done the conversion.
I have found my stance within my religion and Im happy with it.
And, I think I know who I am but I know I could still be surprised.
So, when will the time come that I let myself go and be open to commitment?
Why do I always want sooo much in return but hold back on what I give.
And can we ever realy trust someone else wholely?
All I ever see around me are cheating husbands, beating husbands, and dis respectful husbands. And when one does come along that seems too good to be true will I trust them or be doubtful and screw it up to protect myself?
I ask for patience, I ask for Love WITH respect, I ask for the fear of Allah, I ask for devotion. Please make this easy on me, please don't hurt me, please don't let me hurt another and please forgive me.

what to do

2009-03-13T07:53:00.001-07:00

I want to start writing poetry again, but first i want to learn how to make it.
I have learned to forgive myself, because, I realy need to forgive you.
I'm ready to have a baby but I'm not ready for marriage.
Oh the trials and tribulations

Both amazing songs, 1 my feel good factor the other my sound track!!!!!!

2009-03-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

I have re-discovered the soothing values of music!

2008-12-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

"Istikhara" means to seek goodness from Allah (Exalted is He), meaning when one intends to do an important task they do istikhara before the task. The one who does the istikhara is as if they request Allah Almighty that, O the Knower of Unseen (Exalted is He) guide me if this task is better for me or not?

According to Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 21, Number 263:Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah :The Prophet (Sallal Laho Alaihi Wasallam) used to teach us the way of doing Istikhara, in all matters as he taught us the Suras of the Quran. He said, "If anyone of you thinks of doing any job he should offer a two Rakat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer):

WAY TO PERFORM ISTIKHARA

First pray Two Cycles (raka') of ritual Prayer (nafil) such that in the first raka' after Surah Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Kafirun (Chapter 109) and in the second raka' after Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Ikhlas (Chapter 112).
After finishing prayer recite this (supplication/dua'):

"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power. You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge this action ------------------------------------------------ (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings [baraka'] in it, for me. O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."

How many times?

It depends. Sometimes it takes only once to get the answer and sometimes it takes longer. It is better to do istakhara seven (7) times. If you have received an answer as explained in the section below, stop doing istikhara. You do not have to continue to do isitkhara for 7 days. It is better that right after reciting the supplication, given above, sleep with ablution (people who cannot keep the ablution for longer times due to health problems do not have to worry about ablution before falling asleep) facing the direction of the Qibla (facing the Qibla is not required but it is a Sunnat of our beloved Prophet Peace Be Upon Him). It is better to recite salutations (durood/ salawat) on the Prophet Allah's Grace and Peace be upon him before and after the above Dua (supplication).

Answer:

If in the dream one sees whiteness (means any thing white in color, for example: milk, white paper, white sky, white clothes, white light etc.) or greenness (means any thing green in color, for example: grass, plants, trees, green clothes, green light etc.) then understand that this task is better and if one sees redness (means any thing red in color, for example: blood, red clothing, red fruit, red light etc.) or blackness (means any thing black in color, for example: black water, black light, black clothings, black sky, black wall etc. ) then understand it is bad and avoid it.

If you do not remember any dream or do not see any colors then follow your heart. Whatever intention grows stronger in your heart regarding your targated work follow it after seven days of Istakhara.

Sweet bitterness

2008-11-30T23:42:00.000-08:00

I was told to pay my cleaner 50 geneer which would be a hefty price for top to toe of my whole apartment.

The samsar (estate agent type guy) introduced her and let us arrange a day and time amongst ourselves for the job.

I sat there on the bed in the dreary box of an apartment trying not to let my skin touch the dirty mattress as beat down all the walls with a dirty pillow cover removing the cobwebs and insects after which she threw water all over the floor.

This lasted allot longer than she should have as she spent most of her time babbling on the phone, she finally dragged alll the dirty watter through to the bathroom drain. It turns out I needed a Sebek (plumber), that was the word she kep repeating over and over again as she shoved her chubby arm down the hole in the floor to drag up what ever could be stuck down there.

She then started to put on her Abaya (long over dress) as I stared at the dirt incrusted door frame and window and the dingy stained kitchen. "I have work, call me after you get a Sebek!"

So I looked in my purse for a part of the money but for some reason gave her 40LE and told her she would get the rest when she returned, despite the all the advice of not letting her place a foot out the door untill she had finnished!

After a week the Sebek came and went and again we arranged a convenient time for her to show.

So I waited at the flat untill i recieved a phonecall that she would come if I paid for her taxi!, I should have seen the rest from there.

She arrived finally had paid for the 4LE taxi herself and climbed the stairs to the top floor of mz apartment, onlz she wasnt alone there was another exasperated boisterous Egyptian with her with a plump round kind face.

Again me and a freind's little sister (age 14, Egyptian) sat there and watched them talk on the fone and do a little cleaning inbetween each call.

There was no water... I don't have a motor so I only recieve water in the night and at noon, it was now the afternoon.

Lucky for me my next door neighbour does so I would disapeer every now and then to re-fill the bucket.

They kept trying to get dressed despite not having cleaned anything from what I could see and making exuses like Im too short and all the rest of it.

So after having to keep re-telling them to clean behind the pipes in the bathroom and the door frames and everything else they finally said they were finnished and made long winded exuses to everything else.

So I handed my cleaner 20LE, baring in mind that her fee had now gone up to 60LE.

Her face was priceless I explained everything to her but she just kept demanding money telling me that I should pay her 50LE for her last visit and 50LE for this visit. This was never going to happen! let alone the fact that I couldn't afford it. Then she orderd that I must pay her friend, to which I reminded her that I called her not her friend and that she works for me but her friend is working for her. She refused to move and sat herself on my bed with a face like a smacked monkey's butt (as my mum would say). So I continued to spray the cockroach and ant killer into every nook and cranny and stood by the very small open window as Hamsa (my friends little sister) stood at the door ( I later found out that this was because the cleaner had tried to close it and she suspected the worst from this action) as she choked and spluttered from the toxic fumes I had unleashed into my room of an apartment she reluctantly in the end left.

I sat reflecting over every detail of the tiring day and congratulated myself on keeping my cool through it all and keeping a low tone in her vulgar screams and shouts, and never once insulted her cheek.

Then I realisesd that the age old saying of 'God works in mysterious ways' may have been perfectly demonstrated in the days events. You see, I remembered feeling bad as they choked and spluttered as there lungs struggled to grasp enough air to shout insults at me as I was fumigating the place but I what I didn't realise was how me and Hamsa were fine. It turns out that the only two air ventelation points were being consumed by us both.

It may be wrong for me to feel satisfaction about this oint but It's more to do with the fact that I struggled to keep the right behaviour of a muslim and yet had I let myself go that was the kind of punishment I would have hoped for!

Jihad

2008-11-30T00:25:00.000-08:00

So I was pondering over the pilgrimage Hajj.....
...and thought about it's costly price of about 2ooo pounds! yep! thats right 2000 or at least no less than a thousand.

Imagine all the muslims that long to go on Hajj but may never be able to afford it, and then I think about me...., I had the money, and therefore had the ability to go to Hajj and yet I didn't I came to Egypt.
I wondered if I was going to be punnished for this action, because I thought that I had really made a grave mistake. How can I look such an opertunity in the eye and let it go, I don't know if I will ever have the money as a disposable income again and ever since my first thought on this subject during the past Ramadhan I have been worried about it.

This weekend al hamdulilah I found my saving grace in a friend and her amazing family. I sat with her parents talking about Islam and the deen untill 2.30 in the morning, it wasn't planned or intentional, it wasn't a dawa session or an Islamic lesson it was just one of those beautiful things. I don't remember the relevance of my question to conversation at the time but I asked what they think about my thoughts on my trip to Egypt and wether they too felt as I did about my decission on comming here and not going to Hajj.

They replied with something that forced me to fight tears....

It was there 16 year old son that said it first and they carried on to say that what I had done was in itself Jihad I made the decission to come to Egypt to better myself within my religion and should never feel regret toward, they explained that if you have the money but need education, or have an elderly relative, or children to look after it is obligatory for you to do those first, and that I had taken the decision to educate myself for the sake of Allah.

To think of myself as someone that has taken Jihad reminds me of my importance of this trip. and just this morning I read in the Quran;

'...And whoever emigrates for the cause of Allah will find on the earth many [alternative] locations and abundance. And whoever leaves his home as an emigrant to Allah and his messenger and then death overtakes him-his reward has already become incumbant upon Allah. And Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful...'

Surah 4, Ayat 100.

and so today I am ready to die, should it be written for me.

My days in Faisal

2008-11-02T05:37:00.000-08:00

And the nubian wedding with no food!!! lol

That moment!

2008-10-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

Do you live your life worrying about every little thing that may occur in the future, the wrong that you have done in the past, the ever growing list of things to do or the fact that its 2am and you have to wake up at 7am for a long day's work in the morning?

I don't! I put them all in this little place where I forget them but its all still there and sometimes spills out on to my consciousness from time to time.

For instance, lets start with the worrying about the future thing..... I always make it a motto of mine not to directly think about the future, I'm not saying that it's a good motto but perhaps a lazy one for getting through life with a little less responsibility on my shoulders, but I have realised maybe what I have always known deep down is that it does worry me I just seem to have chosen not to think about it and now I'm stuck on that very thin line of being a child and an adult..... hanging on by a thread shall we say.

I have developed this massive fear of getting married (settling down) ever!!, I guess I just never understood how a woman as strong, intelligent, wise and true as my mum could make a mistake 2ce in that department in her life. And if she can do it then I feel bound to do it. I'm terrified of letting my (possible future) children go through any of what me and my brother experienced down to a tiny mistake that probably just started with a glance across a crowded bar. And when I was too caught up with crossing that line into adulthood to see the possible dangers in front of me I was reminded of exactly how true my foreseen prophesy was. I fell in love, we grew together and I found true trust for the first time in my life, I felt secure, stable and happy despite my adolescent behavior at times and it seems that I can only really see that now. But it happened, the thing that I had started to forget was possible, he let me down.......he shook our foundations until I had no where left to stand and everything I was so sure of was compromised. So I did what any other coward would do and ran for the hills.

And now I worry about the future and the past, I regret my actions but have to live with them, secretly (also) living in hope that I'm forgiven and that the impossible could happen and I could turn back time. but that doesn't change the fact that I let my guard down enough to get violently hurt. I fell in love with him because he was everything that the other wasn't. Kind, generous, honest, Innocent, loving, emotionally strong, a Muslim. And since that I have this fear that I squeeze way back into my tiny mind, but am influenced by it still!! no mater how hard I try to loose it, it always comes back.

For that very early morning on the beach in Sahel I found the eternal happiness of a spotless mind. I forgot about everything, really forgot everything just disappeared and it was all about the sky the sea and Allah's mercy on me for that moment. I laughed so hard that I cried and didn't really know what I was laughing at.

Ode to that moment in my life. May I never forget it, may there be many more of them, and may I always be greatful for them...

...Ameen

DumiaT

2008-10-27T03:11:00.000-07:00

I travelled to a place called DumiaT last week for 4 days as the grandfather of the family that I am staying with passed away (Allah ya rahmou).

I couldn't believe that there is an actual civilised suburb exising in Egypt!!!

It's right up in the north and contains the end of the Nile where it meets the sea. It's very clean by Egyptian standards and not crowded at all! all though there's absolutely nothing to do there but I can see it being a nice place to go back to once your children are all grown up, although it holds those annoying intracacies that every small town is familiar with, everyone knowing your daughters friends brothers son's business and the wonder of how such a shop that sells 1 thing every week manages o stay open. Although, everyone there are much fitter, because there are less cars and better weather (with it being so close to the sea). Loads of people ride bikes and the town is small enough and pretty enough for you to want to walk to get from place to place, where as you need money to move in Cairo.

So I went and saw Ras Al Bar (the place where the Nile meets the Sea). It's strange to think that a river so grand that stretches so far ends at that small point. To know that the water your looking at has travelled al the way from Rawanda, and that the prophet Moses sailed down the same river in his tiny basket many years ago is something else!! something you can only apreciate in such a quiet place.

Flying without wings!

2008-10-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

So, I have started horse riding as a serious sport now.

Not just now and then.

I even have a friend who hooked me up with a trainer that teaches me to race with skill, and last Friday they up-graded my horse with confidence that I knew a bit more about control.

I loved my horse, you tap it a little and it revs its engines, just a slight click from the corner of your mouth with a double tap with your heel and off it go's!!!!

Sub7anallah the speed of acceleration is something else!! I don't know how fast I was going at my peek but I over took the trainer and as he yelled at me to pull back I turned my head and screamed "LEI!!!!" which in Egyptian means why. By this time I was going too fast to turn back fully to see him but I could here him laugh at me as he shouted "inti magnouna wa horsan bardo!", in other words (namely English) " you are crazy and your horse also!!!" so I pulled back bit by bit slowing down until he caught up with me and he taught me how to keep my horse close to his as we rode off together, with him teaching me to control the speed in order to be side by side.

I totally know now why they call it Horse Power, Sub7anallah! I was going so fast at one point that my bum wasn't touching the saddle!!!!!!

Even if I wake up the next day with a back as bent as an Egyptian police man, and my hands all covered in blisters from having to pull the rains soo tight its still my favourite thing to do in Cairo!

Beautiful- If you want to experience flying but are scared of heights, ride a horse!!!

the typical 2.4 children

2008-10-26T04:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm still living with the family.
Things are still much as the same, although, finding my clothes have been worn without being asked and my freshly cleaned hijabs now scrumpled in a pile on my bed (although a neat pile it may be) is starting to grate on me. But none of it is done out of spite, and I suppose its nice that they feel so comfortable with me to be like this, it's just I am a funny so and so and I like my own space.
You see I do have my own bed (to sleep in) but it isn't my bed and I'm reminded of this when I come home after a long days work and just want to pass out to find school uniform and used damp towels amongst other things on my (oops I mean)/ her bed.
That's the problem I am in debt to her and her sister. You see I don't have any privacy but that's down to me, they don't have any privacy either and this is down to there generosity and kindness and I feel so guilty every time I feel my temperature raise at the site of my favourite jeans being worn by her slightly chubby sister! and when my expensive broach isn't in my accessories bag but on her mums abaya lol, OK OK that's enough moaning just had to get it out of my system.
The truth is I am really going to miss them all when I leave, the dad that insists on knowing everything but is sooo generous that drives the mum crazy who looks to me for advice in almost everything that she does and the doting little sister that wants to make everyone happy and is so comfortable in her own skin for a 14 year old that I'm constantly impressed.
Never the less I just need my own space!

So, I have been looking for a place with a small budget but they won't let me take any of the cheap ones because they say that it's not safe blah blah, (btw there are no woman that live alone in Egypt! this is strictly limited to the few foreigners that live here, only then is it acceptable). When I do find a suitable priced apartment something happens where it doesn't work out. Mainly because you have to rely on people here. It's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone, so I have on rely on people that do and Egyptians are very lazy!!!!!
SO....
I look for a job with better pay that everyone insists I can get for speaking English only and being a British national in order to widen my choice of places. But how do you get jobs here!?!?!?!? like in England you have the job centre, the newspapers, the untold amount of Internet sites and agencies, here, I just don't know. Again its who you know, and again I don't know anyone. But even when I do get an interview it's just like before; it turns out that there was an error in communication and perfect Arabic as well as English is a must!
So it's 2 steps forward 3 steps back.
I need to work on reversing these numbers!! then least then I'd be getting somewhere. I know that I will at some point but its all a waiting game here. If you want to brush up on your patience come to Egypt!

.....Further updates

2008-10-13T02:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so I asked my salary, well I wasn't that brave I suggested to his daughter whilst he (Abu Hassan) was on the phone that I needed to know so I could estimate my budget when looking for an apartment....

EEEEK

It's not good its below what the job is worth really especially as I'm working 9-6 6 days a week which is very rear in Egypt, VERY!

and it's not even enough to pay for the minimum rent that is I would be lucky to get......

So, what do I do. She asked me if it was OK with me but I just smiled and said yes, I mean what can I say, they are doing so much for me and there even bribing someone they know so that I can get a longer Visa without the early morning paper work! not to mention that they are paying for my arabic teacher 4 days a week, who I really like! he's 29 a very much into his deen, you now the one beared and disdasha, which intimidated me a little bit at first. Speaks no English but never lets me give up. And he's teaching me from the beginning ABC... but really thoroughly. And after a slow convo in Arabic I found out that he started practising Islam at 21, before that he was just any guy at uni. So how can I say no its not good for me but Im going to have to sooner or later, besides Il just continue to the end of the month so that I can somehow repay them for all there kindness and explain my predicament. Although I know that they will just suggest that I should move into Abu Hassan and his Wifes house as they are in Saudi every other 3 months (as they already have done) but I want my own place that I can paint and fill with dodgy seccond hand furniure that I grow to love...lol you get my point though.

We'll see how it go's

Hajj

2008-10-13T01:51:00.000-07:00

To carry out the pilgrimage rituals a pilgrim needs to be in a state of Ihram - a special state of ritual purity.
A pilgrim does this by making a statement of intention to perform the Hajj, wearing special white clothes (which are also called Ihram), and obeying certain regulations.

During the Hajj, pilgrims are forbidden to:
Engage in marital relations
Shave or cut their nails
Use cologne or scented oils
Kill or hunt anything
Fight or argue
Women must not cover their faces, even if they would do so in their home country
Men may not wear clothes with stitching.

Once in Mecca pilgrims enter the Great Mosque and walk seven times round the Kaaba (a cube-like building in the centre of the mosque) in an anti-clockwise direction.
This is known as Tawaf.

Pilgrims also run seven times along a passageway in the Great Mosque, commemorating a search for water by Hajar, wife of Prophet Abraham.

DAY 1: FIRST STEP
Pilgrims travel to Mina on 8 Dhul Hijjah (a date in the Islamic calendar) and remain there until dawn the next morning.

DAY 2: STANDING AT ARAFAT
Pilgrims then travel to the valley of Arafat and stand in the open praising Allah and meditating.
At the end of the day, pilgrims travel to Muzdalifa where they spend the night. Pilgrims gather up stones to use the next day.

DAY 3: STONING THE DEVIL
In the morning, pilgrims return to Mina and throw seven stones at pillars called Jamaraat. These represent the devil. The pillars stand at three spots where Satan is believed to have tempted the Prophet Abraham.

Pilgrims sacrifice an animal (usually a sheep or goat). This commemorates the incident related in the Old Testament when the Prophet Abraham was about to sacrifice his son and God accepted a sheep instead. Nowadays many pilgrims pay someone to slaughter the animal on their behalf.

Pilgrims shave their heads or cut some hair from it and return to the Great Mosque at Mecca for a further Tawaf, walking around the Kaaba. They then return to Mina, where they spend the night.

DAYS 4 & 5
Pilgrims spend time in Mina, continuation of the ritual of stoning the pillars.
If a pilgrim has been unable to return to Mecca to walk around the Kaaba, he or she does so on the fourth or fifth day.

Where is she now?

2008-10-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

So once again I have landed on my feet, and here is a brief update for those that want to know;

A friend offered me her house after I realised that the budget my flat was giving me would result in an earlier departure then wanted (due to limited funds).

When I say offered me her house I mean a 2 bedroom flat along with her sister her brother and both her parents.

Hmmmm....6 people in 2 rooms?, how does that work you may ask! very nicely actually. Her and her sister share a bed whilst I get the bed of the other in their room, her parents and her brother share between the other room and the sofa bed in the front-room. Sounds tight I know but it works and Im comfortable her mum doesn't want me to leave because...

A) she wants to learn English and has the chance to conversate with me

B) apparently her children are acting better since I've arrived,

Her father is an easy man to talk to speaks English well and loves that typical slapstic egyptian comedy. It was he who hooked me up with the job Im at now. A patient of his owns a travel and tourism company and is expanding at the moment by planning to offer boat trips from egypt to Saudi quicker than a plane journey.

And so here I am over looking the purchase of some very large ships for this very kind man called Abu Hassan in his late 70's lives between here and Saudi Arabia and is treating me like his daughter.

His whole family are doing everything to help me. He gave me a lump of money before I started as a good will gesture, invites me into his office to eat with his family every day at the end of work, sends me home in his Merc with his driver, and gave me some money yesterday 'as a father to a daughter' his daughter said as I protested to take it. His daughter passes by the office almost every day with her daughter. His 3 sons all grown and married work within the business.

They ask me every day what I need, to the point that I feel I should make something up, untill finally I mentioned that I needed an arabic teacher. Within secconds his son was on the phone and after I finnished my food I was called into the office where a teacher sat and they discussed my schedule for study to be 4 days a week here at work for 2 hours all paid for by the company.

It has overwhelmed me the generosity from both these families just as I was about to write off all egyptians as cunning con artists, ok not all but most. And I feel greatly indebted to both a debt that Im worried I will not be able to repay.

Although it has put me in a bit of a pickle, I don't know my sallary and all these kind gestures have made it almost impossible for me to ask...but I need to know if it is suitable for what I am able to live on. I also work 6days a week something I learned the day before my presumed 2-day weekend, another thing that I want to talk to him about but feel like I don't have a right to almost! 1day is not enough for me to enjoy my life, I usually go horse riding every Friday but sometimes the people I go with change it to a Satuirday being the other common day from there weekend here in Egypt and I go swimming on Saturdays which is the only day available for many reasons and I have Friday off only..... Insallah I'l sort this after a week or two.

2008-10-11T03:38:00.000-07:00

....So aparently before getting my hair cut I have to ask the hairdresser if they re generos with money or not!

If there answere is 'not' then my hair will not grow well after they have cut it!

in the words of an egyptian...

EH DA??

Kind words from a good friend

2008-10-02T05:16:00.000-07:00

little jessi,

He is going to regret his disision for the rest of his life. He could have had a diamond but instead he settled for quartz. Allah has obviously better plans for you, I can't wait to see what they are as long as they are back in England, London.

new day

2008-09-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

Life just got real serious....

...cause for a little while it was all just about fun in the sun.

So the long awaited Ramadhan has finally arrived and it couldnt have come any sooner! I spent the day before rather domestically cleaning up, doing some hand washing tying up some loose ends and then took a stroll to the masjid at the end of my road for Isha and finally Taraweh.

...where I cried like a baby for the first 8 raqah's. I don't know what it is that just gets me with the qur'aan but I stood there in preyer listening to Surah Al-Baqarah remembering that that particular chapter of the Qur'aan is a healer. So, I asked Allah to do just that, I pleaded with him to clean my heart of the black mark i had allowed to grow over the past year and to heal my emotional wounds that I left open and unforgoten to bother me from the back of my mind.

As my dissapointments of life flashed before my eyes the tears started to flow as did my astughfir's untill I was finding it hard to breath.

You see Im not much of a cryer!
I didnt cry when my mum weeped on my shoulder at the airport, nor do I when I cut my hand or remember my broken heart or when I feel disgusted at myself when I reminisce on the hurt and pain that I have caused others. So it was quite a clearance. and afterwards I felt exhausted I couldn't believe it was only 10.00 pm!!

Al-Hamdulilah!

I had my first Qur'aan lesson today also, it's been one of the only things that leaves me anticipated for children so that I can put my (on-point) recitation to use and lead my family in prayer (Inshallah). I will be having 1hour of Qur'aan and 3 hours of Arabic a day from now on and getting paid to just stick around for an hour in case they get some children for the English classes they want me to start teaching. And that's only obligated on me for 3 days a week.

Both my Arabic and My qur'aan teacher want to pay me to tutor them in speaking English, so I made a deal to swap the lessons for home cooked food. They found that hilarious, but they haven't seen what a put off my kitchen is to cook in and KFC and Pizza hut is really expensive every night .

So, hello to Ramadhan and the purification of my soul Inshallah!

regret

2008-08-29T02:29:00.000-07:00

I had a regret once, and the very person that helped me abolish it has now given me another to replace it with.
Once again I am reminded of that gut-renching feeling that lingerers in the background and plagues your mind like a mosquito in the dark.

The only possible consolation for this is that what ever mistake you made that led to a regret is that you can learn from your actions and move on......
....but not with this one I can see myself making this mistake again and again.

AND THAT IS MY CURSE!

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theres just no thrill of the chase here in London

2008-08-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

Yea but...

They chase so hard here that they chase thier own tail,

they go round in circles so fast that end up biting there own a*se